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The Faces of Foster Care

via Daily Prompt: Bitter

 

May is foster care awareness month.  And while foster care receives mostly negative attention I want to share some positive moments from our foster care journey. With the permission of their mom’s I would like to put a face (or two) to what foster care has meant to us.  At one time they have all been in my home and they will forever hold a place in Momma C’s heart.

A little dark before the light:

The statistics are alarming and on the rise. There are over 600,000 children in the foster care system in the United States.  The drug busts, the neglect charges, and the overdoses that you hear about on the news all have one thing in common, children that did not ask to be placed in the situation.  They are removed from their home and placed, in many cases, with a foster family they know nothing about.  Thanks to all the negative stories the news and TV shows share about foster care, they are terrified what the foster family may do to them. Will it be worse than what was going on in their home?  Will they feed us? Will they hurt us? All questions as a foster mom I have dealt with in those very critical first hours after a new placement arrived in our home. You have to prepare yourself not only for the mental abuse but also the physical abuse ( which may be visible) they have faced.  It’s not easy. In fact sometimes it’s down right hard.  But if we don’t open our hearts and our homes for these precious children who will? God wants us to be His hands and feet what better way than to help His children when they need us the most.

It takes time. It takes patience. It takes love. It takes Jesus. It takes smiles and giggles. It takes funny voices to get them to eat. It takes prayer. It takes support from your family. It takes a team of people; their caseworkers, a judge, a GAL, a visitation supervisor, the birth parents, and yes the foster parents all working together for what’s best for the child.  The trauma they have witnessed and or suffered will not go away over night if it goes away at all. Every case will be different so what worked for “Billy” may not work for “Zac” it will take everyone working together to help them overcome and start moving forward.

Sie and Devin holding the girls on one of our vacations

We didn’t plan on adopting when we became fosters back in 2010, that’s what I tell myself. It would be great if God made a way for it to happen, if that was His plan.  Deep in my heart I longed for more children and I wanted my new husband to experience more than just the teenage years he had been thrown into when he became dad to my children (at the time 13 and 10). Fostering was one way to share that with him.  If adoption was meant to be God would find a way.

The feeling of just wanting to foster changed when I fell in love with our second placement, a set of sisters.  They had my heart the moment I laid eyes on them. For close to nine months I was their momma.  I took them to their doctor appointments, I took them to church, on vacations, but most of all I loved them. The day I found out that an aunt from out of state had been located and wanted them my heart sank. I had this bitter feeling inside me that I could not shake.  I had raised these babies how could the court decide to just give them to someone they didn’t know? That’s when God stepped in and took my hand.  “That’s exactly how you had got them” He reminded me. He removed the bitterness the moment I met her.  She was a kind, loving soul. Their family was much like ours. The way she held the youngest in her arms reminded me of myself. The way she talked about her kids, her son was in band like mine, and the way she gushed about her daughter all reminded me of me.  They were active in the church, even went on mission trips, something we have always talked about doing, as bad as I wanted to not like her I felt drawn to her.

Our family Photo with the girls

 

I’m not going to lie the day the girls were transferred was one of the hardest days in my life.  But I am grateful. Their forever mom (their aunt and uncle were able to adopt them 😊) and I are now friends.  And thanks to the wonderful world of social media I get to see the girls. And they are growing up to be beautiful young ladies.  There is not a day that goes by that I don’t pass this picture in our hallway and smile.  Maybe one day when they are old enough to understand we will get to see them in person. What I would give to hold them one more time and tell them I love them.  I did not understand it then but God did not intended for them to be ours forever but just for a season.  I am thankful, for it was a beautiful season.

The next two little ladies brought me much laughter and introduced me to one of my very best friends.  Just thinking about them makes me smile. Man were they spunky.  I have never seen two sisters so different from each other.  One quiet and backward, the other the exact opposite.   In a broken system sometimes things happen and for these two girls we were told their case looked to be moving towards adoption. We were in the process of adopting Elissa and JR and at the time thought we were done. I think God used that “thought” to get them to my  friend.   The transition from our house to their house went smooth and we kept in contact after that.  When she found out the girls were going  to their father’s she called me.   These girls have been prayed over more than they will ever know.  I am thankful their step mom has a good relationship with my friend.  I love getting the updates on how they are doing in school and how they are adjusting to the new little ones in the house.  Friendships and families can grow out of ashes.  

The last little girl will forever hold a special place in my heart, well they all do, but she was the only placement we saw go back to her home.  The only one.  Her mom was young and in some ways reminded me of my oldest daughter, I couldn’t help but want to be her biggest cheerleader.  She was around the same age I was when I had Sie, the big difference I had a support system she did not.  The one thing she did have was an awesome aunt.  The aunt brought her to the visits, helped her with the baby, and did all the things a mother is suppose to do for her daughter. She was lucky to have her.  We worked on basic parenting skills and life skills and when it was time for her to go home, I was the one who got to drop baby girl off.  The tears in both the mother’s and aunts eyes is an image I will forever remember. Simply beautiful. The words “Is this really happening? Is she really coming back to me?” repeated themselves over and over as I got baby girls things out of my car.  After a few long hugs I wiped happy tears off my cheeks and climbed back into my car.  I told them all that I would always be just a phone away.

And I meant it.  I still talk to them, again through social media. Parenting turned out to be to much for the young mom, it happens, but the aunt stepped up and is now baby girls forever momma. She is so lucky to have such a strong woman in her life.  She is getting so big and learning to do so many new things.  Our JR still asks about her all the time.  Foster care changes the lives of all involved.

We have had several other girls and many boys in care over the years. Over 25 little loves have been part of our home and hearts since we started fostering in 2010.  They were loved just as much but for now their families are not ready to share their stories.  And that’s ok.  I still get to see them and I know that even in the darkest of times God makes all things beautiful.  Foster care is not about stealing someone’s kid away or taking in kids to make a quick buck.  For those of us that foster we know what it’s really about.  It’s about opening your heart to a child knowing it could get broken.  It’s about working together with people we may not like for what’s best for the child. It’s about loving that child with all you have and possibly not getting any love back. It’s about comforting them after a nightmare and then cleaning up pee or poop from the floor or bed because the fear scared them to the core. It’s about being there for them in every possible way.  It’s about loving them just as God loves us.   Foster care is selflessness love.

 

From our beautiful chaos to yours do you have room to open your heart to a child in need? I promise you it may not be the easiest but it will be the best decision you ever make.

Grab your copy of our story Beautiful Chaos Our Story about Foster Care, Adoption, Faith, And Love over on my website beautifulchaosmomma.com  or on Amazon

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Grief and Autism

Many have asked how JR is doing.

So with the okay from my mother-in-law, let me tell you about a boy and his best friend, my son and his papaw.

Losing someone you love is hard at any age.  Its hard to wrap our minds around the idea that our loved one is not here physically anymore. It’s hard on adults to process the loss, so just imagine you are seven and autistic.

I was blessed to have my father-in-law in my life for over eleven years.  He was one of those guys that loved to help everyone. I swear he never met a stranger. If he had it and you needed it, well then it was yours.  His smile was infectious and that laugh, oh how I miss that deep belly laugh.  I did not know him as long as most, but in my time with him I discovered how much and how deeply he loved people. And you know what else? He loved being a papaw.

When my husband and I got married, my in-laws became instant grandparents to my two preteen children.  When my husband and I decided to become foster parents, they were on board with the idea and were excited for the journey that awaited us all. And from the moment our wild man was placed with us, all of our worlds changed.  From the second he came to us, so tiny and so sick, I knew he was ours.  And on a cool day in September 2013, two and a half years after wild man was first placed in my arms, papaw Jim(along with our whole family) was in the courtroom with us as JR became forever ours. JR had us all wrapped around his little finger from the beginning. But the two of them had a special bond. They were inseparable.

JR went everywhere with papaw.  Whether it was to the grocery store or down to the wrecker (tow truck) shop, it didn’t matter to them. He was so excited when papaw bought him his own car seat for his truck.  JR loves that truck, and he loved going bye-bye with his favorite person. My father-in-law never saw our JR as a child with autism, to him he was just his grandson. His beautiful, full of energy, always laughing, popcorn eating, adventure seeking grandson. 

After the “twins” arrived to our home, my father-in-law offered to start taking JR to his OT, speech, and music therapy appointments on Fridays.  It quickly became their thing.  My in-laws would pick him up shortly after I got our daughter on the bus and off they would go on their weekly adventure.  He loved spending his Fridays with them.  My father-in-law also filled in for us at his preschool when they would have special days or field trips that my husband or I could not go to.  He always found a way to make sure JR was included in everything at the school. He became more than just JR’s papaw, he was the classroom’s papaw.

In my son’s words, Cancer sucks ass. And he is 100% correct, cancer does suck ass.

My father-in-law was the healthiest sick man I have ever known.  He never complained or questioned why him, at least not in front of us.  He always had a smile on his face when he was around the kids.  They never seen him as sick. Hearing the words, he has cancer, took months for all of us to process.  How could he get sick? He was our rock. The doctor’s had to be wrong. He was a fighter. He did everything he could to stay strong and beat the hand that laid before him. As the days turned into months and he became weaker we tried to prepare ourselves and the kids. We explained things to our little loves in a way that we hoped they would understand, but how can we expect them to understand when we don’t fully understand ourselves? 

Halloween night, I called to see if he was up for some trick or treat visitors.  I drove my twelve passenger van through the sea of candy hungry neighborhood children so that our kiddos could get to papaw and mamaw’s house. Papaw made his way out to the porch and stood while holding the back of a chair. He made sure to tell all the kids he loved them and made sure they all got more candy than they needed. JR asked if he could go get a prize out of the treasure box and of course he was gone before anyone could say yes. We visited for a few minutes and gave hugs goodbye and off we went. When we got back into the van the first words out of JRs mouth were, momma papaw must be getting better. He was standing tonight. I will forever be thankful for this last memory he gave to our kids. I know it took everything out of him to come out and stand and pass out candy. But he did it for them. And he did so with his signature smile on his face.

JR did not just lose his papaw. He lost his best friend.

There has not been a day that papaw Jim is not mentioned at least a thousand times by our sweet boy. JR can not process what has happened. He is fixated on the why’s and how comes. He is lost without his number one fan. He loves for us to tell him things the two of them done, and he always has a few of his own stories to share. He sleeps with the flashlight he got out of the treasure box on Halloween night. And he talks to papaw’s picture he had me hang in his room. He asks if we can make an airplane and take a trip to heaven and he is full of questions about cancer and death. Some days he is happy, knowing he will see papaw again other days he cry’s non stop for he misses him more than anything.

The two of them shared a love of the ocean, swimming, and eating cheese flavored popcorn. They loved “fixing” things and taking drives. There will always be a great big place in JRs heart for his papaw Jim. And because of JRs unique look on life I know for a fact papaw Jim will live on through him and us. He may not physically be here with us but his spirit is strong, especially around our wild man. I know when JR is in his room and I ask, who are you talking to? And he replies papaw Jim, I know that he really is. Thank you for looking in on him. Life will be hard without him but you can bet JR will remind us of something the two of them did that will bring a smile to our faces daily. Their relationship will live on through the memories they made.

So thankful for the memories, precious, precious memories. In JRs words, Heaven is an extra special place now with papaw Jim in it. Yes it is little buddy. Yes it is.

Student of the Month

There are moments as parents we catch ourselves thinking about as our little loves grow up. There are the early questions, When will he walk? When will she talk?What sport will she play? Will he be in the band? And then questions that come as they get older, Will they go to prom? To college? Will she get married? Will he be okay? All questions that have ran through my mind more than once.

As an autism mom, some of even these simple questions leave me in tears after a long evening of stimming and repetition behaviors. Most days we fight the good autism fight. Our lives are arranged around what he can and can not handle. Is it always fair to our other little loves or our older two children? No, no it’s not. However life as we know is not fair. We do the best with what God has given us. And what He has given us is beautiful, chaotic at times but beautiful.

With my first two children, I was the typical mom. We had piano lessons, dance lessons, taekwondo practice, a little t-ball, and soccer. Then came high school and it was marching band, jazz band, color guard, concert band, winter guard, and still taekwondo, They received awards for most everything they participated in. I have a filing cabinet full of awards, still waiting to be scrapbooked. And while I was taken back if they didn’t win something, I didn’t worry about it because I always knew there would be another award/trophy around the corner. Then JR came into our lives.

Autism is so misunderstood and so complicated, yet beautiful and full of surprises. With JR we are not in a hurry to run from ball field to ball field, he could care less about sports. With him we get to see life through his beautiful heart and mind. He has taught me so many things about slowing down and enjoying the small things out of life. Not getting called up during an assembly to receive an award like the other students phases him not. But if I’m honest with myself, it bothers me a little. Ok maybe more than that, maybe more than it should. I know he could be that one in a million that becomes a childhood prodigy, but I know my son. I know that he is beautiful and funny and the happiest kid you will ever meet. I also have come to the realization that he has autism and that’s ok. He is exactly how he is supposed to be. My perfect little sometimes rotten wild man. But sometimes the “normal” mom in me becomes sad at the thought of a life he will never have.

So when my normally quiet seven year old came bouncing in from school, I knew something was up. Then I received a text from his teacher asking me if he had told me about being named Student of the Month? When I asked him about he got the biggest smile on his face. He told me all about hearing his name “over his head” (the school speaker) and how everyone knew his name now. He called his dad and told him about it, and then his big sis. He was so excited because it will mean that Santa would hear about it and maybe just maybe bring him an extra special gift at Christmas. Being student of the month is special momma. Maybe Santa gets special gift for me cause I did so good.

I asked him what kind of special gift he wanted from Santa, you know so I could pass the information along I was floored by what he said. He was not asking for a new plane, or new NASCARs, or LEGOs for himself. My son asked for a new kitchen for our house. I stared at him with a puzzled look and then he ran over to show me what he was talking about. On his tablet he had created a whole house for us. In the center of the house was a beautiful kitchen. From the cabinets to the flooring everything fit so well together. It’s the table(island) you like right momma? I can change the lights if you like. I fought back the tears. Instead of using his “extra gift” from Santa to get himself something he was thinking bigger. He was thinking about all of us. He truly he a special kid.

I don’t think Santa will be getting us that new kitchen, my boy has very expensive taste, but I’m sure he will get something extra. This beautiful little human has taught me so much about the importance of loving others and embracing life. I am so happy he is a happy child. Way to go wild man!!! Momma loves you!

I am so thankful he is adjusting well to his new school. We have been blessed with teachers who see his true potential.

We have also found some wonderful worksheets for all of our kiddos over at Education.com be sure to check them out

Your kids will love ‘falling’ into the season with this word search activity! Be sure to check out more language games and worksheets at Education.com

Lost Tooth

Losing baby teeth is part of growing up. I remember one time when my oldest son was around five. He had lost a tooth at my then mother in laws house and the tooth fairy traded him ten dollars for his tiny tooth. To my son (and me) that was a lot of cash for one tooth. A few days later he jumped off the couch and hit the table, just as he had planned, and out come another tooth. He was so proud as he showed me the bloody tooth and his lip. Unfortunately for him at our house the tooth fairy did not pay out as much. That stunt was never tried again. Thank goodness.

Awe memories.

Last night was yet another big tooth event in our home. Wild man does not tell us a lot of things when it comes to physical pain. So when he told me his tooth was squeaking, I had to check. Sure enough it was moving. He has lost teeth before, most of them we only notice once we see the empty space in his mouth. One he lost at school in an apple slice, he was excited to bring that one home apple and all. So for him to notice his tooth was moving is a huge win for him (us). All day his tongue wiggled that tooth back and forth. I offered to help but he insisted he could do it on his own. Independence something I have prayed for him to have. And then it happened. That tiny little grinded down tooth popped out.

His sister told him to do’s and don’ts of leaving a tooth for the tooth fairy, at the age of eight she is a pro. He wanted to make sure we placed it under his pillow, so we did. He made sure it was well protected. His plane, his bumble, and his body sock all placed in the way he wanted. He paced back and forth for over an hour making sure everything was just right.

He went to sleep with ease (which is not something he does) all in the hopes of getting treasure from the tooth fairy. When the first signs of the early morning light come through the bedroom window he was up. The tooth fairy had given him some money and even left his tooth as Wild Man had requested. He wanted to add it to his treasure box, how could the tooth fairy say no?

Such a normal everyday event, and yet I have cried my eyes out.

There are so many days I would give anything to get inside his mind and see the world he sees. Today our worlds come together over a small tooth.

This evening we continued the celebration with a movie night. He is starting to interact more with our other boys, where as he use to only parallel play along side them. As we watched Frozen (thank you Freeform) the boys asked if he wanted to have a sleepover in their room. I carried in his mattress while the boys brought his bag of cars, his rocket, his treasure box, and the all important blue light lamp. They wanted him to feel safe and made sure he had all of his favorite things.

Again I’m in tears.

As they get older they are bonding, as well as siblings can when autism is a factor. Tonight was a good night.

I am thankful for lost teeth and sleepovers. What are you thankful for this evening?

Hard Days

Have you ever wanted to run to the top of a mountain and just scream? I’m talking the type of scream that has hot tears running down your face, your whole body shakes, sweat pouring off of you and it solves absolutely nothing but you continue to scream anyway type of scream because no one can hear you. The type of scream that makes you feel better for just a split second but you know the pain that will follow in your throat for days to come. The type of scream you scream where no one else can hear your sadness, your isolation, your frustration, your pain. The life as an autism mom has these days, today in fact was one of those days.

I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s back up.

Like most families we have our days. We have days that are good, days that are okay, a few great days that give us the strength to continue forward and then those days were I feel like a complete failure. Meltdown after meltdown. Nothing. Going. Right. Days. These days drain everything ounce out of me. This day started around 4am this morning.

I knew when we went to bed it was going to be a long night. I saw the signs.

I had to tell him daddy was on call this weekend so he would not be in to see them. Big Sis had told him she had plans to go to a football game so he would not see her for a few hours. My other little loves were excited for the weekend and the noise level in the house showed it. He paced the floors in a circle around the couch. He held his stomach as he does when he “needs to go” I check his calendar, it’s been four days, he will probably go this evening. I make a mental note to take extra pull-ups and wipes to bed with me. By nine all the kids are sleeping, even him, but he is not resting. He tosses and turns in his bed. I hear him groan as he sleeps and I know his belly hurts. I drift in and out of sleep because I know he will need me soon. Around midnight he yells and I run to his aid. He can’t sleep know, he is wide awake, I make his pullout bed in my room so he can feel safe. He finally drifts off to sleep around two and I can finally close my eyes.

Then it happens. 4am comes with screams of complete terror. I jump up but can’t see a thing. Complete. Darkness. I am frozen for a split second until my ears lock on his scream. Power outage. I’m not prepared. All I have is the flashlight on my phone. Why oh why did I not unpack the candles? He makes his way to me he is now wide awake once more no sleep for us now. With every noise, every sound he hears and his mind wonders. By five two more of my little loves join us in my dark bedroom. They are also scared. I must be brave even though my heart is racing. Finally around seven the sun begins to break through the clouds. The scary night is over, a new day can begin.

But his routine has been changed. Nothing will be easy today. I try my best to make it work but it does not. Daddy is suppose to be here today. He is not and our wild man does not understand. Things spiral. Lack of sleep is not helping the situation. We load up and drive to my parents. He is happy to see them, but notes that he sees them on Sundays not Saturdays. He writes me a note letting me know he loves me, hard days are less hard when he gives me notes like these. A few hours at their house was helpful, maybe the rest of the day will be better. Cue meltdown number three.

Car ride home. Sister singing. Brothers laughing. Sister yelling for brothers to stop. Noise all around. I ask them to calm down, I fear it’s to late. To much for him to handle. So it starts.

Hitting. Kicking. Screaming. His body takes over. I get us home. I try to hold him, try to contain the storm within him, but he is not a small two year old anymore he is a 65 pound seven year old that is stronger than an ox. I really wish my husband were here. A few hours, yes hours, pass and the storm is once again my sweet loveable little man. He says things like, I sorry momma, I will not bite myself again momma. Momma today a bad day. He cries. I cry. I pray for rest tonight but can see it will be another long night. Days like these are hard.

I try to be honest about how life is. I try to let those that want to know how things are going, how things are actually going. But no one really understands what it’s like to have a child with autism unless they have a child with autism. I try to make things as normal as possible around here, whatever that is, but there are days I feel so isolated. There are days I feel like all I do is scream both figuratively and literally. There are days I wish I could get in his mind and figure out the why’s and why not’s. People say we are lucky because he can talk now, and we are blessed he has found his voice. But that does not make his autism less hard. It’s hard. So hard.

I look over at him. He is finally fast asleep in his pullout bed right beside my bed. He is at peace. He feels safe and that’s what’s most important to me at this point. I set here on the top of my mountain screaming inside knowing no one hears me. I pull on my invisible super mom cape so that people see what they want to see, so they don’t feel obligated to pretend to understand or worse give me advice on what I should do when he acts out. Tonight as I look at him and know we made it through a hard day we pray for strength to get through future hard days. We pray for a better days. An easier day. I pray I can be the mom he needs me to be. And I give God thanks for making me his mom. God knew we needed each other on days like this. Tomorrow is a new day.

What’s Best for Him

Our school year is well underway, our little loves are adjusting to their new teachers, bus drivers, and schedules….well most of them. Our littlest guy was not adapting well at all. While his brothers and sister were excited to see what their new school’s had to offer them he was terrified. Completely. Terrified. This year he would be in class without his brother. This year he had a male teacher. This year he would start without knowing anyone. Kindergarten can be a scary place. His preschool had some worries about him starting kindergarten. Academically he was ready. He knows all of his colors, he can count to 100, he knows his shapes, and he can write all the letters not the alphabet. He can even correctly spell his full name. He can even sign the alphabet (forward and backward) I think he is pretty smart for a new five year old. But kindergarten is more than A B C’s and 1 2 3’s. Socially he is not ready. We tried the kindergarten class, but within a few days we knew it was not going to work. His teacher said he would stay to himself, he would not answer (or even acknowledge) anyone that asked him a question. He basically shutdown on us all.

He did not want to get up in the mornings. He cried as we went to the bus. He would not talk about anything that happened during his day. He didn’t want to go to bed at night because he knew he had to get up and go to school the next morning. Our happy, go lucky, always making a joke kid was miserable. My momma heart broke for him. When the school called for our meeting I knew something had to change.

As I sat in a room with teachers and staff that barely knew my son, I questioned if we/I was doing the right thing for him. If I stuck to the plan with him staying in kindergarten he could come out of his shell in a few weeks/months and everything could be okay. He could also be completely miserable and in the end fail kindergarten and have to repeat it again next year. Or we could place him back in preschool and help him build on his social skills and possibly transition him into the kindergarten class a few days towards the end of the year and that way he would be ready for kindergarten next year. The choice was clear. He needed another year of preschool. But how would he adjust to yet another change this year?

Part of me wants both of my five year olds in kindergarten together. But I want what’s best for him, not what I pictured life would be. He needs this. His teacher knew I was worried about the decision we made, so she sent me a few photos through this first day. I can’t tell you how much those photos meant to me. And when he got off the bus from his “second first day” the smile on his face said it all. He was happy, so very happy.

I hope as the years go by he understands why he and his brother are not in the same grade. I hope he understands we did what we thought was best for him. I hope he understands that every decision we make is in hopes of giving him a better life and giving him the best opportunity we can. But those are all questions for a later day. For now I will focus on the smile on his cute little face and know that he is happy and feels comfortable in his new class. Here’s to a great preschool year!!

Shorts made Me Cry Today

This make photo may look like a typical second grader heading off to another day at school. However, to those that know our little man this, is so much more.

When he was two and a half our little guy stopped eating meat. A few years ago he went from wearing shorts and T-shirts to long sleeve flannel. It could be 90 degrees outside and he would wear his magic pajamas outside. If autism as taught us anything it’s to be patient and to except what we don’t understand.

His magic pajamas are his safe place. He knows when he is home (or traveling in the car) he can be himself and no one will judge. We have received several rude comments and have seen the stares as we travelled when we stop at rest areas or restaurants and my adorable son would climb out of the van in all of his flannel. I can handle those that judge, my top priority is his happiness and wellbeing. Yes I worried about him become to hot, I’m his mom it’s my job. Imagine my surprise when he decided today he wanted to wear shorts to school.

As he was eating breakfast this morning he looked over at the TV. The weather man was talking about the heatwave and mentioned that today’s high would be 95. As he took a bite of his Cheerios he looked up at me and said, “momma that Man says it’s hot. Me need to wear short pants today.” I looked at him and said it was going to be very hot and that I thought shorts would be a great idea. It’s been three years since he wore shorts. Three. Years. Did I even have shorts that would fit him? Could his swimming trucks pass as shorts? No then he would think he was going swimming, can’t do that.

I ran through the house frantically looking for a pair of shorts that may fit before he changed his mind. With today’s high, shorts would be much more comfortable than his jeans. After trying on three pair we found a pair that he said would work, blue light weight basketball shorts. (Perfect, mental note to self go buy more shorts like this in a variety of colors). He even wore a T-shirt instead of his button up dress shirt. Today was a huge day of change for him. Today I will not worry if he is getting to hot on the playground. He prefers to wear button down dress shirts with jeans to school. He calls this his school gear.

I am sure when he returns homes this afternoon he will come in and the shorts will come off and his magic pajamas will go on. And that’s perfectly fine. We have learned to celebrate the small victories. And today was a victory. The thought that he understood it was going to be really hot today and wanted to wear shorts is huge. Who knew a simple pair a shorts could make me so happy. Here’s to small victories, Momma tears, and blue shorts.

Just checking in

Hello all,

I’ve been away for a little while, I apologize for that. I hope all is well with everyone.

This summer has been crazy. I won’t go into all the details but let’s just say I appreciate all the prayers for my close few and all of you out there that noticed I wasn’t here.

So many things have changed in a short amount of time. So quick, so unexpected.

I am a firm believer that God has a purpose for our lives and two years ago that purpose landed us in Bristol TN. The thought of leaving home back then scared me more than I care to admit. Our time there flew by.

We did not plan on being foster parents while there, but God always has a plan. We became friends with some amazing people and through those people conversations about the need for foster parents took place. People saw us as a normal family, not as the crazy family that adopted those kids. Our children were just children, not adopt kids out of foster care. We were free to be who we are. Maybe our time there was meant to get people talking about just that, foster care kids are normal kids.

We were able to help a few more little loves enter and exit our home while here (because our seven was not enough in God’s eye). With each one we opened our hearts so they could be broke again in order for these precious little ones to know what love was, to know what a family felt like, for them to know it’s ok to feel scared, angry about the situation. I would have my heart broke over and over again even knowing what I know now about their situations. They deserve to know someone out there cares. Foster care is hard but I would not change what we do.

We still had baby N when life happened. I don’t pretend to know why things happen, but they do happen and life takes a turn. After much prayer over the situation my husband and I decided moving back to our home State was what was best for our family. Moving during the school year would not be good for our children especially for our son with autism. So the move had to be made over the summer. This meant saying goodbye to baby N. She would not be going back to her momma, she would have to be placed in another foster home. My heart sank. I ran over different scenarios in my head trying to come up with a solution for her to stay with us until her momma could get her back, any solution. There was only two options: 1) she be placed in a different foster home or 2) her mom sign her over. I knew which one would happen. Handing her off to another foster mom just about killed me. I’m sure she is adjusting well, but I so miss her. I wanted to be the one cheering her mom along, helping her get her life back together so she could get her little one back. I wanted to be there, but life happens. I pray she knows how much she was loved by us. It’s times like this I want to question Why God, Why? Why did You bring her into our lives if we were only going to have to say goodbye so soon? I don’t know that answer, I just have faith that it was part of His plan.

We are so thankful to be back around family, yet we miss the “community family” we had down there. How did such a short time there change us so much?

I pray we accomplished what God wanted us to do there. I don’t know what this move has in store for us I pray we continue do follow His path for us. I pray we see His plan clearly and that we don’t hesitate in doing what He asks of us. I pray our children (as well as us) adjust well to their new surroundings and that they make friends quickly. I pray over the little things and the giant things. I pray continuously about this move and all it entails.

I will forever cherish the friendships I made there. I am forever thankful for those little loves that called us Momma C and Daddy T while there. I am so thankful I was there to see so many eyes open up about the need for foster parents. I know so many children will benefit from those opened hearts and homes. Two years ago Bristol was an unknown land, today and all my tomorrows it will be my home away from home. ❤️