Being a mom is the most rewarding job there is….We have all heard this and on most days I am sure we all would agree. But here lately I am not going to lie being a mom has been hard, real hard.
I was hoping the move would help stop some of the behaviors my 6 year old has developed. I thought having us all back under one roof would mean that she would not be so defiant all the time and actually listen to me(or anyone for that matter). For over a year now we have dealt with more than our share of attitude and lies from our oldest little love. I noticed things were “not right” before my husband transferred down to his new job. Her lies started becoming more elaborate. Not only elaborate but they also seemed to be more about getting someone else in trouble. For example “Alex hit me”, “The boy on the bus stole my glasses”, “JR stole my babydoll”. The endless screaming because she was not getting her way, the full blown tantrums she throws if you tell her no. The complete lack of respect for those older or in charge. And countless other things that I will not discuss on here. My close personal friends and family know what I’m talking about. And YES, by the way, there is a difference between her throwing a fit and one of JR’s autistic meltdowns just in case you think I am showing favoritism to one child over the other rest assured I am not. I felt like I was at my breaking point and no one understood what I was going through. I heard things like “I am sure she’s acting up because she misses her daddy”,”Maybe she’s not getting enough sleep”, “Maybe she’s getting to much sleep” Some even blame it on where she was a foster child, “They (foster kids) all have issues you know” The only thing I did know was that I was tired of fighting with her…..I am still tired of the fight with her.
I talked to her dr and we agreed that her behavior is not the normal six year old “just being a kid” behavior and agreed to go to therapy. I will not go into that here but I will say I think she needed more than a “sharing is caring” speech from her therapist. It’s bigger than that. I know there is something going with her I just don’t know what it is. Now we have moved which means no therapy in over 3 months. With the move I was hoping seeing her dad everyday things would calm down. They haven’t. She is still not listening, still screaming,still not doing her school work, and still not listening to her teachers or me. I am so tired of being the “bad” parent all the time. And through no fault of my husband (just his work schedule) I am with the children 95%of the time by myself. This means I am the one who has to make her do her homework, the one who makes her eat her dinner, the one who tells her nothing to drink after 7, the one who says no you can’t push your brother because he looked at you funny. It all seems so negative.
I spend most of our evenings breaking up fights, not between the boys but between her and the boys. I have come to the conclusion she just needs attention whether it’s good or bad she does not care. And please don’t say, ” If she were an only child this would not be a problem” or “Well if you didn’t have 5 little ones at home this would not be happening” Neither one of those statements are helpful. This is the hand God had given us. Embrace it or move on. I am just asking for your prayers if you felt lead to do so. I spend so much of my time telling her no or placing her in time out I don’t get to spend the fun time with her like painting her nails or doing up her hair. I just wish I know what to do to help her. Praying the new doctor can give us answers.
I long for a day when she is excited to see me just like she gets excited to see her dad after a long day at work. I would love to hear “You’re the best mom ever ” instead of “You’re the meanest mommy ever” Or for the school to call and tell me she’s doing great instead of saying she lost her recess for the third time this week and if she keeps up at this rate she will not go on to second grade. I would love for us to be able to have girls days and fun days. I just want to be the fun parent for one day. One day in her eyes. Is that really to much to ask? I’m just tired of arguing. So so tired. Something has to give. Praying we find answers for I know she is a bright, beautiful, intelligent, and funny girl. I know this for she is a child of the one true King. She is shaped in His image. She just has a hard time positively expressing herself. Let her find her way Lord, let her find her way.
From our beautiful chaos to yours through all storms He holds our hands. God will not bring you to it if He can not bring you through it!