Have you ever put something away for safe keeping then when you needed it, it was not there? I have with many things. It can be aggravating.
Our youngest daughter’s birthday is coming up later this month. If you would have asked me this time last year if we planned on a seventh child I probably would have looked at you with the “Are you crazy” look. She is a blessing we did not know we needed until that call came in. Now I can’t picture our life without her. She brings us so much joy.
When deciding on a name for her we thought we would honor two strong women from our families. Sadie Mae means princess/goddess of growth. Sadie was the name of my grandmother on my dad’s side. Mae was the middle name of Todd’s grandmother on his dads side. Our hope was and still is that she grows up to be a little like both of them.
When I was 15, my world changed forever. It was August. My brother and I had spent the night at my grandparents like we had done so many times before. I remember hearing my Papaw yell “Sis call the ambulance call the ambulance” I jumped up and saw my grandmother lifeless. I ran to the phone and dialed the number 2. Back then my grandparents had a speed dialing system which was to make things easier in case of an emergency. I remember the ladies voice on the other end. I quickly told her my mamaw was not breathing and they needed to send help right always. The lady told me to hang up and call 911. So I did. I got the same woman. Maybe she was just making sure it was a true emergency not just a kid prank calling. I don’t know. Anyway she asked for the address and said the ambulance was on its way. I run back to check on my Papaw and mamaw. The situation had not improved. I had never seen my Papaw scared I knew this was bad. I can still see the fear in my brothers eyes as well. Papaw told me to run out to the main road and flag down the ambulance. So I did. I ran as fast as I could go out the hollow (country road) till I came to the main road. My aunt Mary was pulling in. All I could get out in a winded breathe was “Go, Go,Now” she drove on up. I remember begging God please don’t take her and screaming at him for allowing this to happen. The ambulance finally showed after what seemed like hours, I know now it was not that long. I pointed them in the direction and up they went. I ran behind them. By the time I got back to the front porch my Papaw was there. Tears filled his eyes. He looks at me and said “Sis she’s gone she’s gone. What am I to do now?” She was gone. Heart attack. It was the only time I remember seeing my papaw cry.
As with any passing of a loved one,in time the family has to go through their things and see what needs kept and what needs to be given away. I was blessed with two dish towels, two blankets, a chair and one pink apron. I also still have the original cabbage patch doll she bought me one Christmas a year or so before she passed away.
Now my dads birthday is also in September. So when thinking about what to do for his birthday and baby girls I came up with the idea to do her photos wearing my grandmother’s apron. It would be the perfect way to honor my grandmother and show off her name sake. I just needed grandmas pink apron from my keepsake box.
I had placed the apron along with everything else in a tote for safe keeping, or so I thought. I went upstairs pulled out the tote and found the blankets, the doll, the towels, everything but the apron. My heart sank. My mind raced. I started pulling down other totes and boxes. Clothes, blankets and keepsakes going all over the place, but my mamaw apron could not be found. I was devastated. It felt like I lost her all over again. After two days of searching I sat in my bedroom floor and cried. I begged mamaw “Please show me where it’s at” Nothing. I had given up hope. I was sure that it had been placed, by mistake, in a box marked for Goodwill when we moved this last time. Nothing I could do about it now. So I put everything away and went on with my day. I went to the garage to get in the car, it was time to go pick up the kids from school. As I got in the car I looked up and saw a blue tote. Now we had placed all our empty totes in the garage for storage so it’s not like this tote just appeared out of nowhere but today for whatever reason it caught my eye. I get out of the car walk over to the stack of empty totes, lift back the blue lid and there completely out of place in a box marked empty was….. my mamaw’s pink apron. Thanks for helping me find it mamaw. I cried again. Not because I was sad but because I know even after all these years mamaw is still around looking after me helping me in more ways than I ever realized.
Sadie Mae will never get to met the two wonderful ladies she is named after. She will never know how wonderful mamaw’s hugs were or how great a cook Todd’s mamaw was. But they will live on through her. I know she is adopted and not of their bloodline, but that does not matter. She has their fiery personalities and she will know them through the stories we share about them. She is blessed to still have two grandmother’s and one great grandmother here that love her. I pray that when mamaw looks down from heaven she smiles and says “Well done” I hope she is pleased with the way I have turned out. I miss her so much but she will always be in my heart. Thank you for the memories. The countless card games, the movie nights and the garden. Forever in my heart till we see each other again.
From our beautiful chaos to yours just because you can not find what your looking for does not mean it it gone. Have faith it will show up just in time.