I cheated today, no not on my husband, on my diet. One would think that having five Littles to ran after all day everyday would keep one in good shape. And I guess that should be the case but the sad truth is it doesn’t, not for me anyway. I have struggled with the way I look for years. I know it’s a personal struggle but after years of mental and physical abuse for an ex the words I heard over and over have made their lasting impression and it’s something I work on daily.
Over the last few years I have gained a few extra pounds, okay more like 20, however in the last year it has really gotten to me. In this age of the social media and selfies one starts to notice how they look in photos and this momma was not happy with what she saw. I do chase the Littles all day long that is a fact, the problem is the way I eat and what I eat. With five I find myself eating at odd hours in the day (and night) and let’s be honest it’s really easier, or at least faster, to grab a bag of salty chips as I am running out the door than it is to wash up and cut up fresh fruit. And lets face it I’m not in my twenties anymore so what goes in finds a way to stick around. So I decided to **** Ugh go on a diet****
My weakness, Dr Pepper and doughnuts please don’t judge. I’m not much of a junk food eater but I love these two items way more than I should. However about two months ago I gave them both up in order to be healthier. I’ve been drinking only water and low calorie lemonade and not one doughnut has crossed my lips. I have being doing great, the first few days my kids and husband would say different but now that I am past the caffeine headache withdrawals I can honestly say I was doing better, grouchy mom has left the building. But today I failed. I failed big time at the drive thru. I took my youngest three out for lunch and before I knew it I had ordered their chicken nugget meals and for myself…..a cheeseburger meal with Dr Pepper to drink. 😢 What was I thinking??? Truth is I wasn’t thinking. My darling boys were fighting over who farted the loudest, yes you read that correct I said farted the loudest. What can I say life with boys is never dull, sometimes smelly but never dull. The inside of my car smelled like a portapotty at a NASCAR race. I was eager to roll my window down to order our food. And out of habit, or lack of oxygen to my brain, I ordered my old usual. That happens when your fanning the odor out of one’s car. Now I was faced with the decision, eat and drink it and beat myself up over it later or throw perfectly good food away and my mom taught me not to waste food. So guess what?? I ate it and it was wonderful. Ok maybe not wonderful wonderful it was fast food after all, but it did make me do a happy dance.
The truth is, my kids don’t care if mommy is few pounds heavier and neither does my husband. So why should I worry so much? They love me for me. When they look at me they only see a mom/ a wife that loves them, that always puts them first above anything else, that plays with them, that reads to them, that cooks for them, and that would do anything in the world for them. I don’t want them to look back and say “Man all mom ever did was complain about how she looked” and I don’t want to set an example for them especially my girls that we have to look a certain way to be beautiful. Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. It does not matter what I look like as long as I am healthy and able to do what I need to do for them.
So I will not beat myself up tonight or tomorrow for cheating on my diet. I will take it as it is and start over again tomorrow. What we had for lunch today will not matter 10 years from now but what I plant in my kids hearts will last a lifetime time.
From our beautiful chaos to yours it’s ok to not be perfect. We all fail at something, its how you get back up that counts.