Posted in Children, family, foster parent life, life

Taking a Day for Me

I woke up at 6  this morning (thanks to two of my little loves) The three of us went downstairs and prepared for the morning.  One wanted his morning grape juice and Coco puffs while the other wanted milk and strawberry pop tarts.   I pulled the laundry out of the dryer and fold it (I was to tired last night to mess with it) and place another load of laundry in the washer.  Little diva heard us up so she came down with her dirty laundry in tow and a smile on her face. “See mommy, I remembered it was Saturday. Here’s my dirty clothes. Gotta be good Santa comes in 8 days”  She places them in the laundry room and goes to the table to await her breakfast.  By this time the theme song to Dinotruxs is playing on the TV and matchbox cars can be heard crossing the hardwood floors.  Our weekend has started.  

Today though, instead of hanging out with my little loves I am taking a day for me (well as soon as the hubby gets up) Over the last few weeks I have felt like I am failing at my one job….being a mom.  I have spent more time fussing and a little time cussing at our current situation and it has rubbed off on my parenting skills.  With the way my husband works most weeks I feel like a single parent.  He gets up in the mornings and goes to work and many evenings he comes home after the kids have went to bed.  That was not part of our plans when he took the new job. In fact he was suppose to work a “8 to 430” but we should have known that was not going to happen. He is training for his new position but also still doing his current position because the company has yet to higher a replacement. So he has been alway alot.  If I were still back home it would be fine.  There I had help a support team, I had my oldest son, my parents, and my friends to help me if I needed it.  I mean everyone needs a little time for themselves right? Now I am not downing my husband or saying he is a bad  dad or a husband so please don’t read that into this. He works very hard to provide for us and when he is home he is involved.  It’s just most days he is not here in time to be involved.  It’s my job to pick up the kids from school, go to the store, to get the kids homework done, play referee after all five are here, make dinner, do baths and everything in between.  I don’t know how single parents do it all.  And lately a few of our little loves have been having trouble sleeping so when my day shift is over my night shift starts.  Maybe it’s the lack of sleep, or the problems our diva is having at school and on the bus, or the fact that we still have not sold our old home, or just the stress of life in general but this momma has been cranky lately….just as any of the kids (or my husband)

So today I am taking a day to refocus and readjust thanks to my husband. Today it’s a kid free day.  After the hubby got up ( thanks to baby girl crying) he stumbled down the stairs carrying our smallest little one.   I had his coffee ready for him and prepared baby girl her breakfast.  Now that he was “awake” he could watch the kids while I got ready to go to town.  

I make sure there are plenty of diapers and pull ups in easy reach, baby wipes are in plain sight and there are plenty of juice boxes ready to go. Kisses goodbye and out the door I went.  The peace and quiet of the car….priceless.
First stop was the mall and to get my hair touched up for the holiday season. Next I was off to do a little Christmas shopping for the last few gifts we needed to pick up.  It’s not a spa day but I will take it.

 It’s important for us moms to take a day every now and then to just be ourself.  Somewhere in the mist of this beautiful chaos I have lost me.  I am T’s wife, the mom of our 7 crazy kids, the daughter to my parents and my brothers big sister.  Crystal does not exist.  So today I want, no I need to, find her again. 

In order to be a good mom, I must take care of myself first and that means admitting that every now and then I just need to be alone. I love my kids don’t get me wrong. Anyone that knows me knows my kids are my world. But we all need a day to unwind and regroup, even me. I need to go shopping without little loves adding goodies to the buggy (shopping carts for my northern friends 😉) I need to be able to get my hair fixed and “get prettied up” as my 5 year old calls it, for some reason other than going to church Sunday mornings.  I want to be able to eat a candybar without having to share it and yes I want to be able to go to the bathroom without 5 sets of little eyes watching 👀.  It’s the little things in life I long for.   

I need this time so I’m not so grumpy. I know I’m not perfect, but I am trying to be the best I can be.  I miss my foster to adopt support group, they get it.  If you have a child or even two people are willing to babysit for you so you can get out and have a date night or so you can run errands. But if you have more than that you get the “You did this to yourself sorry” look or the “You wanted them figure it out” look. Those of us who have stepped out and adopted large sibling groups understand. Yes I wanted them, yes I wanted to help when others would not, yes I love them more than anything, and yes I am tired but would not change it for the world. Super mom I am not (I have heard that more than once if people only knew) even I need a few minutes to just breathe and be noone else but…..well just me. That does not make me a bad mom it makes me human.  

It was nice to have a few hours to myself. I needed it…my family needed it.  As I drove home I called the house to see if they wanted me to pick up something to eat.  Steak-n-Shake was unanimous.  My husband told me to take my time but I could here the “please hurry home” in his voice.  Our diva and Big Al had fought from the moment I left, baby girl and Elmo were fighting sleep, and wild man needed to go poo but will only go if mommy is home (autism at its finest) I told him I would be there as soon as I picked up the food. 

 Thirty minutes later I pull in our driveway and open the door. Kids run from every direction, “Mommy he is going to say I hit him…but I didn’t” “Mommy we missed you” “Mommy daddy let me play the tablet….I forgot to tell daddy I was grounded from it” “Mommy get me presents please” and one tired looking husband that simply said “Glad your home” and kissed my forehead. And you know what? I was happy to be back home. I took a deep breath and smiled. I’m back to being momma. My day was relaxing and enjoyable but this is what I’m meant to be. And I would not have it any other way.  

From our beautiful chaos to yours when life becomes overwhelming stop and take a few minutes  (or a few hours) and relax, refocus and reflect. It will do a world of good from both you and your family.

Author:

I am a stay at home mom to 7 wonderfully crazy children. I have two biological children and my husband and I have adopted five little ones through foster care. Our children are 22, 19, 7, 6, 4, 4 and 1. Life is always interesting but I would not change a thing.

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