I am a strong person. I am independent and confident. I am the shoulder for a crying friend and a warm hug to my family. I am a good mom and a loving wife. I am not this super human some see me as. I’m just me, ordinary me. And even though I may walk through life with a smile on my face that does not mean my feelings escape from hurt. Earlier a simple phrase hurt deeper than it should have. But it hurt nonetheless.
The call came in, “Schools are closing three hours early” as we were setting down to have lunch. I quickly fed the kids and we loaded up to go pick up diva and wild man. While waiting on wild man baby girl and Elmo fell asleep and Big Al was being his ususual “I need to go to sleep but refuse” grumpy self. I get wild man off the bus and get him in the car and we drive over to wait in the growing line to pick up diva. While he played his new ABC game he downloaded and Big Al fused about not being sleepy I sat and worked on a new post. That’s when I got the message this, my blog ,was nonsense. I am sure it was not meant to sound the way it did, but the word nonsense cut hard and deep.
I know I’m not a world famous novelist. I am sure my posts are littered with grammar errors and typos. My thoughts are simple and my words are common, but it’s who I am. I do not have a masters degree, and with two kids in college and five little ones at home, I don’t see obtaining one anytime soon. But this nonsense is MY NONSENSE. If you don’t want to read it don’t. I will love you anyway. This nonsense is my life story and I would not have it any other way. I enjoy writing about my kids, my life, and my experiences, while they maybe meaningless to most it means everything to me. I know that this blog may never be huge or that there is a chance no one will read my book after it’s finished. And I’m ok with that. I struggled with the idea to start this blog and the book, but when a seed is planted (And I do believe God planted the seed for both) then it has to be given a chance to grow. So I stepped out in faith and started to write.
I don’t see myself as attractive or super smart. I do not see myself as better than anyone else or perfect in anyway. But I do feel blessed that God allowed me to become mom to seven wonderful (most days) kids. And I am blessed He has given me the courage to share our story with those you want to read it. I was hurt by the words for most of the day. I started doubting myself and wondering if I should even continue. But after some thinking and a little praying I decided to go a different route. I could let this really get to me and stop the blog and stop writing the book, but I will not let the devil use those words to stop me. Someone may need a good laugh, someone may want to hear how our day has gone, and someone might actually enjoy hearing what I have to say. So to that I will say, sorry devil this is my nonsense and there’s nothing or no one you can use to make me feel that my nonsense is useless.
From our beautiful chaos to yours don’t take what other people say or message so seriously. They could be having a bad day and their words reflect that. And even if they do mean what that say it’s ok. You can’t please everyone all the time….