Before we moved our two youngest boys attended a wonderful daycare that gave them much needed social time with kids(other than their siblings). As time came closer for us to move steps were taken to see if they would qualify for early preschool. Back at home they would have qualified based on a number of many reasons: they had delays in speech and in socialization skills, they both were in an early intervention program (Birth to 3), both had been in foster care, and both had been drug babies at birth. The steps were taking and the mandatory tests were given. And just as we had figured they were eligible to start preschool for the up coming year. Well they would have if we had stayed back home.
As foster to adopt parents we are questioned all the time ” Are all those kids really yours?” “What’s their issue/problem?” “Will you keep that one also?” “I bet they have tons of problems later in life” Back home I could not tell you how many times we were asked those questions, especially the are they all yours one. Back there many people in our small town knew we were foster parents so even if we haven’t seen them in a while they knew, or had heard, we had added a few little loves to our ever changing family. I longed for the day when we would not be known as “a foster family” just simply a family. And when we moved here that’s exactly what happened, we were just the new large family that had moved into town. I was happy.
In August we started the process of getting four of our little loves into their new schools. Diva was easy, we sat down signed her forms and done. Wild man was somewhat harder. We had to go through a few meetings to select the correct school for him, then we had to select the right classroom, an autism room or normal kindergarten room with an aid, and arranged for his bus to pick him up at the house. The boys should have been as easy as diva’s, should have been. The initial meeting was set up. I took in my folder of paperwork, the recent tests and scores from back home, the reports from the Birth to 3 workers, the shot records, their physicals, their birth certificates, and the reports from the eye doctors and their ENT. I had everything they needed and them some. But it did not go so smooth. The preschool director did not think the test that was preformed back home would qualify them here. She made a few calls and it was determined that the boys would in fact have to take their test our test would not carry over here. Even though I was not happy with the decision, I agreed to have them retested within the next few weeks. I knew the tests would be similar and with their background they would still get in. That however never happened. The teacher that was suppose to do the testing was very pregnant. When the day came to do the testing I received a call from the school stating that the teacher was having complications and she would not be able to do the testing that day. I was told it would take a few weeks to get someone else in the school to take over her position and I would have to wait until then to get the boys tested. So we waited, and we waited. A few weeks passed and no test. Soon a month had passed. I called to get an update and was told they were working on it. A few months passed and still nothing. When I called, I was told that the original teacher would not be back and that the sub was teaching her classes but she was unable to administer the test. This back and worth and getting nowhere went on for months all while the boys were stuck at home with me. At this point we could not afford daycare. We were carrying two house payments, we were paying for the house back home that had not sold and our new home here, daycare was not an option. Then one day, six months into this whole process, I called and was given the number to a lady that was taking over the testing for the school finally someone to talk to. I called her as soon as I got off the phone with the school and left a message. She called me back a few days later and she set up their first test, this one was for speech. I meet with her and the speech therapist and the test was given. As we talked I was informed that the boys would only qualify for services if they did not pass the test. It is not like the preschool’s back home. According to our records, that had finally been found (they were lost after the initiation meeting) We made to much money. I was puzzled. How did we make to much money?? That’s when the question came.
So, do you still call them twins, even though they were born a few days apart? Did you have complications that caused the different birth dates? I had to laugh and as I did I said no. They looked at me with confusing eyes. I then explained that they were adopted. This whole time they had assumed they were mine, just as I had wanted. As I explained their background I saw one of the ladies start taking notes. Here the boys had never been seen as foster kids, they were just my kids. I knew there were delays due to their hard beginnings and that they needed more help but, now that they were with us and because my husband works we make to much money to automatically qualify for early preschool here (which is super funny in its own right that he makes to much money for a family of nine) as I talked they listened. They asked questions and I gave them answers. I was not looking for a handout, I did not want them to feel sorry for them, but I did not want my boys to get over looked because the school thought we made to much money (lol sorry that’s still funny) As we talked they agreed to continue the testing. And I am so thankful they did.
I returned to the school last week (7 months into the process) to receive the final decision. As I sat there waiting for them to tell me that neither of my sons would get in, I tried to figure out where we could cut corners in order to afford daycare now that the house back home had finally sold. Turns out, I don’t have to worry about daycare, my boys do require some extra help. Elmo qualified in two of the five areas, Big Al qualified in three. As they were doing the testing they noticed that Big Al has some “autistic like qualities” that need to be addressed. We are in the process now have having him evaluated. One of the ladies asked how many days a week they boys would come, 3,4 or 5? We agreed that since they had missed out on so much of the school year they could attend 5 days a week 8 – 1:30. Oh and fyi, as we went over the scoring they showed be both the new test scores and compared them to the scores from our original test. Both of my son’s scores differed by only 2 points at most in any of the five areas ( different test same results) As we finished up one of the ladies said they apologized for it taking so long, she was however a firm believer that all things happen for a reason. And you know shes right. Yes I was aggravated that they did not get in back in August, but the truth is now that they are in I know my days will be so much different with them not being here. I was able to enjoy the past few months in our new town with them everyday. I got to keep them little a little while longer. I got to spend some much needed mommy and son time with them and for that I am thankful. I know that on next Monday I will be a mess as I tell them goodbye and walk them into their class. They are so excited and I’m excited for them. It’s not in my timing its all In God’s timing.
From my beautiful chaos to yours life does not happen when we want it to. It happens when God allows it to. Be patient it will happen and when it does you will say to yourself “Man I wish things would just slow down.” lol