As a mom my number one job is to love and protect my children. Part of that includes making tough decisions.
Back at Christmas my husband and I decided to do DNA tests on the kids. As their adoptive parents we know that one day they will ask those hard questions: “Where am I from” “What were my birth parents like” “Do I have other brothers and sisters out there” All questions that I simply don’t have the answers for. So in order to help my children when the time comes I ordered the test kits.
The kits came in and we made a game of it. After all how do you explain to kids under six you are sending off their DNA? So they all gathered around and we had a spitting contest. The first one to fill their tube to the black line won. Our wild man loves to spit so he filled his tube quickly. Diva came in with a close second. Big Al is our germaphobe so he took his time spitting into the unknown tube, while Elmo had more spit in the floor that in the tube. Our baby girl was to little to spit in the tube for the test, maybe next year she can play the spit game. We will see. We sent them back to the lab and waited patiently for our allotted 6 to 8 weeks. Our results came back and my husband and I looked over the results and were amazed by what we saw.
There in the mass colors of yellows, blues, reds, and greens highlighted the different countries of our children’s backgrounds. Three of them had similarities, stemming from their birth mom I assume, but even though they were similar their were still very distinctive differences. We spent the next few days looking over the pages and then I placed them in their baby books where they could be found later if or when my children need them.
So imagine my surprise when a few days ago I received an email telling me one of my children had a match. I must have read that email twenty times. This was not what I was expecting. I was not ready to meet anyone from their families. I finally clicked the link and read the message. Again I read the message over and over. The lady was very sweet and honestly just looking for family. I don’t think she had any idea that she had stumbled upon a half sibling. I didn’t know what to say so I stated that we had only done the test so that our kids would have a starting place when they were ready to look for their birth families.
What I discovered is that she too is doing the same thing.
So I made the decision to talk with her. Was I nervous? Yes. This whole experience has been overwhelming. I never thought I would hear back from anyone, let alone a whole group of someones. I want to stay open minded and I like the idea of having some contact with his half siblings so if the time does come and he wants to meet them it will be easier. But part of me feels that I have catapulted us into the unknown and it is terrifying. He and his sister are mine now. I know that might sound mean to some of you, and maybe it is. I am the one they call mom. I am the one who has rocked them to sleep, stayed up with them when they are sick, and cuddled with them on the couch. I have loved them from the moment I held them in my arms, from the moment the call came in to tell me they were on their way to my house. I am the only mom they have ever known.
Fear can be crippling. I want to do what I feel is right and what I feel is best for my kids. So for now I will cautiously proceed with our new findings. So from a distance their new found siblings can check in from time to time. We will see where this goes. Not all foster care stories have to end badly. Our story ended with five little loves in our forever family. They have a mom and dad that love them, an older sister and older brother that adore them and thanks to adoption they are able to be raised together in one home….our home. How beautiful is that? And now with these new results who knows what lays ahead ten, twenty or thirty years down the road. After all a child can never have too may people to love them.