Posted in adoption, Being a mom, blessed, Children, Children with disabilities, foster parent life, life, love, RAD

When Reality Slaps You in the Face

I’ve started this post more than a dozen times.  Each time I get a few short paragraphs in and lose my cool.  So after taking a few weeks to calm down I will try again.  

One of my biggest pet peeves is being lied to especially if I ask a direct question.  As foster parents we are accustom to getting what I call half truths from the birth parents. These are just as nerve racking.  But when you come face to face with your foster child’s parents and they know their rights are being terminated and you ask them questions so you can help their child in the future why oh why do they feel the need to lie?  

My problem:

Two weeks ago we went back to the geneticists for our daughters test results. We know she has RAD, reactive attachment disorder, and ADHD and ADD but we also felt there was more going on.  I remember talking to her (birth) mom in the hallway of the courthouse after a few of the hearings.  She assured me that she never used drugs or alcohol while pregnant with her.  But in my heart I knew she was not being honest with me.  Even after her adoption was final and we were in the process of adopting her younger siblings the mother continued to swear to me she would have never used anything that would have caused injury to her second oldest child.   Her three children born after diva all had some type of substance in their system so naturally I questioned the truth in her statement. 

After we moved and she started seeing her therapist, the therapist pointed out that diva had many signs of a child with FASD, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, and suggested we make an appointment with the geneticist.  It took a few months but we finally got in and he spent over two hours with our little girl. After all the questions, the blood work, the measuring and re measuring he asked us to come back in a few weeks for the results.  

I was a little nervous going back in for the results.  But there in black ink we had it. Along with some other minor things our daughter did in fact have FASD.  What we had suspected for a while was confirmed. I was heartbroken, angry, relieved and sad. I was heartbroken for my little girl. For the life she would have to face. Her struggles were already so hard to add this on top of it seemed so unfair.  I was angry. Why had her mom done this to her? Why had she lied over and over when I had questioned her about it? I was relieved to have yet another piece to our daughters puzzle filled with an answer. So many times in foster care we don’t receive the whole story about the child coming into our care. Many times even after adoption through foster care there are still many missing pieces to their story.   I was sad for her.  Sad for the unknown of how this would affect her later on in life.  Sad that I could not undue the damage that had been caused by someone else.    

Why did her mom think it necessary to lie about what she had done? Did it make her feel better about herself? Does it help her sleep at night?  Does she even care what she has done to her children by making the poor choices she made?  

My daughter, now seven, as made the song Even If by Mercy Me her anthem.  She sings it everyday multiple times a day.  You can read about it in my blog called Even If.  She is wise beyond her years. ​
​The odds are stacked against her, yet she finds comfort in the fact Jesus is always by her side.  Her faith is strong when mine seems weak. Yes we will have bad days, yes the struggle with school work and behaviors will be real and difficult at times but we will get through it all day by day with Gods help.  

Posted in foster parent life

Why Foster? The Stats

The need for foster parents is real. The stats are heartbreaking. Every three minutes a child enters into foster care in the U.S. The number of children entering the system is growing rapidly while the number of available homes is shrinking. There are many reasons people say they could never foster: “I would get to attached”, “I could not give them back”, “Its to much work to be a foster parent”, and I have heard many more. But the stats don’t lie there are 400,000 reasons (children) why you should. Open your heart to a child in foster care, their need outweighs any of your fears. Check out this eye opening blog from Still Orphans.  

Still Orphans

There were over 400,000 children in the foster care system when the AFCARS collected their data in 2015.  Each year that number has increased.  The AFCARS data showed an increase of 30,000 children in foster care since 2011.  According to a 2016 article, some states and counties are experiencing shortages of foster parents, and the number of children in the system outweighs the number of available homes.  Some notable cases were Minnesota, California, and Massachusetts.

If you’re a numbers person, then you can look at it as 427, 910 reasons why foster parenting is important.  These kids didn’t choose neglectful or abusive parents; they didn’t choose to enter foster care.  If we also don’t choose to help, then we’re leaving a large number of children without support.

We get a glimpse of what happens when there’s no one to intervene for foster children by looking at the…

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Posted in adoption, autism, Autism awareness, Autism life, Being a mom, blessed, Children, family, foster parent life, Home, life, love, Mom life, thankful

Don’t let their perfect posts fool you, You are a great mom too

Well I did it again, well almost. I let myself get caught up in the fake world of social media parenting.  You may know what I’m talking about. Thankfully I was able to snap out of it before I started questioning my parenting skills.

We all have people on our sites that seem to have it all together.  Their kids take the perfect family photos, they make the honor roll every semester, they go to the store and their kids are perfect little angels, their homes always spotless and clutter free, they go on lavish trips for vacations or take cruises multiple times a year. Their kids are perfect in every way. They are the perfect parents.  When I use to see post like this I could not help but question my own mom skills.  I would look around at my beautiful chaos and think were did I go wrong? What are they doing that I’m not? I would beat myself up about not being the perfect mom.  But you know what, I don’t do that anymore. Here’s why

I am the best mom I can be. My kids are the best kids they can be. And news flash no one is perfect.  I gave up on having the perfect family photo a long time ago. Trying to get five little ones to sit still and face the camera is hard enough let alone trying to get them all to show me their adorable smiles at the same time.  Our family photos have them being kids. Someone is always looking off in the wrong direction or someone has dirt or candy on their face.  And you know what, I love my family photos. To me they are perfect.


My kids play hard from the time they wake up till the time they go to bed. So we have toys everywhere. My house is never “spotless.”  If that’s what you are expecting when you come to visit please don’t come over.

The truth is we are all doing our best at this parenting thing.  We should not feel guilty or upset with ourselves when someone else seems to have it all together. We all have bad days but we also all have great days. Don’t compare yourself to the mom down the road or to the mom at football practice. You, YES YOU, are doing a great job.

So if you’re the mom who makes a five star breakfast every morning or you’re the mom who serves Cheerios and pop tarts. You are amazing.

If you’re the mom that makes it to every PTA/PTO meeting at school and serve as the homeroom mom or if you’re the mom that just sends in the snacks or cash when asked. You are wonderful.

If you’re the mom who takes your kids to Disney or the beach for vacation or if you’re the mom who blows up the kiddy pool for the backyard oasis for the stay at home vacation. You rock.

If you’re the mom who makes sure your child is spotless or if you’re the mom who let’s your kids play in the mud. You are fantastic.

If you’re the mom who homeschools or the mom who pays for private school or the mom who uses public schools. You are changing the world.

If you’re the mom the works outside the home or if you’re the stay at home mom. You are beautiful.

If you’re the mom that does crafts everyday or if you’re the mom that slips the kids an IPad. You are doing great.

If you’re the biological mom,or the step mom, or the foster mom, or the kinship mom.  If you have one child or ten or if you have a newborn, toddler, teenager, or an adult “child”. You are loved and so needed.

If you’re a mom that ever questions her worth just look at your children.  They are beautiful, they are loved, and they are happy.  They might not always see eye to eye with you and that’s okay.  (On those days I keep a Dr Pepper and chocolate on hand) It’s okay to have bad days every now and then.  Truth be told there are days I feel I fail my kids miserably. But God placed these little loves with me for a reason. He saw something in me that I do not see. He in trusted me with their lives and I will do my best to be the best I can be.

We are all in this together. Parenting is hard. Be happy for each other. Don’t let yourself get pulled into the world of “how I should be a better mom look at her”  that social media beats in our heads.  You are a good mom.  So post those pics of your kid covered in mud, or the ones were they have  turned the playroom upside down, or the family photo were little Johnny is picking his nose.  Those photos make your family perfect.  Those photos make you are terrific mom.

From our beautiful chaos to yours we moms have to stick together.  We should Build each other up not tear others down


Posted in autism, Autism awareness, Autism life, Being a mom, blessed, Children, Children with disabilities, family, foster parent life, life, love, Mom life, thankful

Can We Stop with the Fireworks Already!?

I, like most Americans, love Independence Day.  My husband was in the Army and I have several other family members that have served in the military.  I love everything that the 4th of July stands for. This includes the fireworks displays.  But our neighbors are going on night 10 of their celebration and I’m starting to come unglued.


Last Friday, that would be June 30, the celebration kicked off.  My husband and I were prepared for it. With the 4th falling on a Tuesday we assumed the weekend prior would be filled with neighbors setting off their own magical displays.  We tried to prepare our six year son, who’s autistic, but he really didn’t understand what we were talking about until he heard “the loud giants fighting” outside.  No clue why he thought the fireworks sounded like giants but that’s what he came up with.  The sounds scared him to death, much like they scared my other neighbors poor little dog (we could hear him barking up into the wee hours of the night) Friday and Saturday came and went and we thought to ourselves “we made it through” until Sunday night rolled around. By 930 they were celebrating yet again. By the time The 4th actually came around I was sure they had to be out of fireworks.  

But I was wrong. 


The sky around our little neighborhood lite up in bright colors of reds, green, blues, and golds. For hours different neighbors took turns setting off their displays celebrating their Independence Day. Which would have been beautiful if we could have actually enjoyed looking out the window. However in our home it was different. My husband and I took turns holding not only our six year old but by that time one of our three year olds and our 20 month old joined him in being scared to death of the giants that continued to fight night after night.  “Why must the giants fight momma? Why are they so mad? What did we do to upset them?  What if they don’t see us they could step on us momma”  

My husband and I are exhausted and so are three of our babies.

Tonight we are going on night ten. I am hoping (fingers crossed) that tonight is the final night of celebration. For nine nights we have shared our bed with not one but three terrified kids. Sleep is not something that has happened much.  I have claw marks on my arms and neck where baby girl has literally climbed up me shaking to get away from the noise.  I have a place on my leg where wild man was squeezing me and refused to let go until he knew the giants were gone.  It’s been a long ten days.

Pray the fireworks stop tonight. 

From our beautiful chaos to yours it’s okay to celebrate it truly is, just please be considerate of your neighbors and their kids (or pets.) 10 days of fireworks is more than enough.   

Posted in adoption, autism, Autism life, Being a mom, blessed, Children, family, Lesson learned, life, love, Mom life, thankful

Sam’s Club Pickup Service: Is it really that convenient? 

“Taking five kids to the store will be fun” are words that have never came out of my mouth….ever. Three I can do no problem. Four can be done but when I get all five together it does not seem to go so well. Grocery shopping is a must and with summer in full swing it seems to be the only thing I manage to get done weekly(sometimes twice a week)  The challenge is trying to push two buggies around the store with five children in tow.  To make things easier my husband and I have been taking turns running to the store.  But there are times taking all five just can’t be avoided.  We recently started exploring ways to make our shopping experience easier, or at least we thought it would be easier. 

I admit, I do my fair share of ordering off of Amazon. I like the convenience of my order showing up at my doorstep within a few days. But never really thought about ordering our groceries online. But when my husband said, Hey let’s try Sam’s Club pickup, I was willing to give it a try.  We sat down with a modified list and clicked away on the products we needed. Being our first pick up we keep things simple: paper towels, juice boxes for the kids, some snack foods for the kids and a few cleaning supplies.  We placed the order and even picked the time we wanted it ready for pickup. We selected between 11 and noon so I could pick the kids up some lunch while we were out. 

The next morning I received an email and text saying our order was ready for pickup. I loaded the kids in our van and headed down the road.  When I arrived at Sam’s I pulled in the drive-thru area marked Pickup orders. I quickly realized that there was no window, nor door, nor employee anywhere in sight.  I was the only vehicle in line so I waited a few minutes to see if maybe someone would come out. When I realized no one was going to come I pulled the van forward so I could see inside the store.  

By this time the kiddos have seen Walmart, its right beside Sam’s , and McDonald’s is now straight in front of us.   The three boys start chanting Walmart Walmart Walmart because they all want new Cars 3 toys.  Diva is screaming she wants a milkshake and the baby is now crying because she has been rudely awakened from her nap by all the commotion taking place in the van.  So much for an easy pick up.

I see a Sam’s employee walking into the store and start waving my arms like a crazy lady to get his attention (as if the screaming and crying from my van was not enough) I explained to him I had an order to pick up but was not sure what I needed to do.  He told me I would have to go in the store and report to the service center area. They would then check my ID and confirm my order before sending me back out to move my van to the loading area.

Say what??

Maybe we should have looked at the store prior to placing our order.  But there was nothing said anywhere about us having to go inside the store before we could pick up the order.  That was not my idea of convenience.   The whole point of me placing a pickup order was so I would not have to take all the kids in the store by myself.  I looked back through my van at what was taking place and I knew we would not be picking up the order. I think the guy knew that too. I thanked him and drove off. I called my husband and told him what was going on and he agreed to pick it up after work. 

The ride home was not enjoyable. The boys were upset we did not get new Cars 3 toys, but did calm down when I handed them the toys the happy meals provided.  Diva was mad and did not drink her milkshake because, even though I asked them not to put whipped cream on her shake they did.  And baby girl, well she was fussy because she needed more sleep. 

That evening my husband went back over to pick up our order. He went inside and went to the service counter. He waited over an hour and a half to pick up our things.  He could have shopped faster than that.  We won’t be doing that again.

We love Sam’s and I know we will shop in the store again but I feel the pick up service just was not for us. Maybe I was expecting to much. I love the idea just wish there would have been a button to push or a window that I could have showed my membership ID too and pulled up to get our stuff. I’m all about making it easier. We have heard some of the local grocery stores are doing their own versions of this type of service so I will be checking into them and seeing how they actually work.  Walmart also has a two delivery so I’m hoping to put that service to good use.  We will see. For now we will just take turns going to the store.