My Twins…My Boys

My boys. My cute little oh so rotten boys. My four year old boys. My world.

Baby Elmo
Baby Big Al

When I was growing up I dreamt of having twins.  When I did have children I had one daughter and then three years later one son.  Twins did not happen for me naturally.   Instead God gave me “twins” in a different way.

Big Al came to us when he was two days old.  Elmo made his grand appearance when he was three weeks old.  The two of them bonded like nothing I’ve ever seen.  They were raised as brothers and seeing that they are only eight days apart they were raised as twins.  They sat up days apart, they crawled hours apart, they even walked days apart.  They formed a special language that only they understood. In every aspect of the word they were twins. When they were babies people would stop us and ask if they were twins even though they look nothing alike.  Nowadays they have each other’s backs in everything they do.  It’s truly a special bond they have.


Over the weekend all of our boys received hair cuts.  Elmo and Wild Man always do a buzz cut while Big Al goes with just a trim to keep his curls.  This weekend however that all changed.  After Elmo was finished Big Al insisted he wanted his hair cut just like his brothers.  I love his curls and when he begged me the last time I told him no.  He has beautiful hair.  I could not bring myself to just cut it all off.  He received his usual trim and was fine with the end result.  This past weekend he begged again.  And again I said no.  Then he said he just wanted to look like his brothers. He crossed his little hands and looked up at me with those big brown eyes and said Please momma I look like Elmo please?  I looked and my husband and sighed.  It’s only hair right?   He was so excited as the clippers cut away at his long locks.  When he was finished he raced to the bathroom mirror to see what he looked like.  In his sweet little voice he said I look like Elmo, we can play tricks now.   

Before the hair cut
After the hair cut

They were so excited to trick their teacher this morning. As I pulled up to drop them off I rolled my window down to give their teacher the heads up about the boys plan.  When she opened the door she pretended not to know who was who. The boys just laughed and giggled.  Elmo finally said it’s me see I got’s glasses on.   They walked into class feeling confident in their clever plan.


Pure innocence of a child.  They do not see their differences. They do not see their eyes are not the same, nor their skin color, nor their hair color or that one wears glasses while the other one does not.  When they look at each other all they see it their brother not their differences.  Nothing but Love.   

We all could learn a thing or two from them.  Love is greater than blood. 

Adoption is beautiful. It brings together boys meant to be brothers.   

The X Factor: School Life for Our Autistic Son 


I attended my first IEP meeting for this school year for wild man a few weeks ago.  As a mom I want the best for my kids. I want them to have a great education and be able to succeed. As a mom of an autistic child I want these things and so much more.

 The meeting went well. His new teacher, OT, speech director, principal and his teacher from last year all love him.  Which makes me feel like we made the right decision on the School.  We went over his daily schedule and how we could make it better for him.  This year he will have his major subjects in a regular classroom while his afternoons will be spent in the classroom equipment for special needs (this is the classroom which make us choose the school in the first place). Change is hard for him but I want what’s best for him.  

The meeting was filled with comments like “he is doing so great” “he is working so hard” and “he has come a long way”. All of which made me smile because he is doing great and working hard. And he has come a long way, a very long way.  It’s in these moments that I get lost and almost forgot he is autistic.  Everyone bragging on him and telling funny stories about things he has done.  I love seeing other people’s faces when they talk about him.  They just light up he has that effect on people once they take time to get to know him. 

But then there comes the reality.  Take this work page for example.  He scored a 3 out of 10.  I know placing him in the regular classroom is supposed to help him build social skills and help him become more independent.  But he is so lost when it comes to the actual school work.  I don’t want him to be overlooked or just passed through because of his disabilities. I want him to have a chance to learn and to grow just like any mother would.  I know many of you are thinking “it’s just one paper or he is just in 1st grade” but that’s my point. This is just the beginning. What happens now and how he is treated will affect the way things go from here on out. He does not bring many graded papers home but when he does most notes are “he tried hard” At what point will he become completely lost and what nothing to do with School? Will he always be this happy go lucky boy or will the struggles become to much for him the bear?  I worry because it’s my job to make sure he receives the best possible education he can receive. I worry that the other kids will start calling him names or talking about him because he does not get the answers right.  I worry constantly about how his peers receive him.  

But then my son does the most wonderful thing.  As I look at all the X’s on his papers and the comments my son, my beautiful intelligent son points at the papers and says “look momma I got this one right” and smiles great big.  Even in a world full of negativity and large red and green X’s my son only sees the good, he only sees the beauty. As his mom I worry about him in this crazy world we live in.  People are so cruel to each other and I am scared that the things that make him unique in Gods eyes will get him teased or even hurt in this world.  But God has given my son a unique way of looking at things. He only sees the good in people and in things.  He does not notice those that stare at him or say hurtful things about him. I am truly thankful for that.  As his mom I need to try and see the world the way he sees it.  I need to find the good.

So yes we celebrate the three right answers, because a year or two ago none of this would have even been possible. We celebrate that he can now write his name and that his teacher said he is now sitting at his desk up to three minutes at a time. (This is huge for him) We celebrate that he has even sat at the dinner table with us a few times this month and we were able to have dinner as a family(and this is huge for him). We celebrate the red and green X’s because they show us progress. He is moving forward in all areas of his life.  We celebrate because God has made this prefect little guy ours and we are the ones that get to watch him grow and succeed at life.   

We celebrate because we are blessed.  

Thank you wild man for opening my eyes to more than just the negative.  Thank you for helping me see there is beauty in everything, even in X’s. 

What Happened to Peace on Earth?

Like many of you, my heart hurts for those that lost loved ones or were injured in the horrific event that happened in Vegas.  I would love to say I’m shocked that someone could do something so cold to anyone let alone complete strangers but the sad truth is shootings like this are becoming part of our normal.  That my friends is scary. 

When I was growing up I never felt unsafe. I would walk to the little general store up the road from my house just to buy a candy bar and a soda.  My parents didn’t have to worry, they knew I would be fine and would return safe. I never worried about going to the mall, movie theater, a concert, or church. Those type of places where safe places where people could enjoy the company of others and share a few laughs or sing a few hallelujah’s and know everything would be fine. Now….now I won’t lie I do worry.  I worry for my husband, I worry for my kids, I worry for my future grandchildren, I worry for America. We are still the land of the free but I am afraid many of us (myself included) are not so brave right now. We are scared. Really really scared. 

I remember in the days following 9/11 how united we were and how we stood together. In the middle of complete terror unity and love grow.  It makes me sad….no not sad angry and hurt that in just over sixteen years we have forgotten those days. Until tragedy like Vegas, Pulse, or the countless school shootings happen. Why must such horrible things happen for us to unite as a nation?

I blame the news stations and social media sites.  Since 9/11 it seems all we see or all we hear about is the bad.  The mass shootings the attacks and the suicide bombers make up most of the evening news. In order to keep their ratings up they shove these gruesome images in our faces over and over.  This morning on one local channel there was an hour and 45 minutes played of personal videos taken from the shooting in Vegas.  The sound of the gun shots echoed and the screams of the people were deafening.  It was to painful to watch yet I did until my daughter came in. The line of people standing to give blood to help those victims received not even 2 minutes. (The death of Tom Petty had a 10 minute segment)

My seven year old walked in the living room while our tv was on the station and asked What happened this time momma?  It’s become such a normal part of our society that the large loss of life did not scare her. She knew something bad happened but something bad “always” happens.  How scary it that?? Or am I the only one that thinks this way?  Do you not remember how scared we were on 9/11?? These shootings and other attacks are the same thing. And they are happening more and more often. Has our society grown accustom to the violence so much so that we are okay with it?  Seriously we need to wake the hell up people. 


On Sunday here, a man was pulled over for speeding. He was going 55 in a 30.  It should have been an easy stop.  However inside his car the police found 900 plus rounds of ammo, multiple firearms (all loaded), and other weapons.  I don’t want to think what he would have done if the cops had not pulled him over.  That was less than twenty miles from my home.  What has happened to us as a nation?

We are so easily offended by everything nowadays. I was having lunch with my oldest son last week when we overheard two women talking about how they were glad they were that their boys refused to stand for the National Anthem, because they never liked that song anyways.  Seriously?!?! I about lost it in the middle of Taco Bell.  

I agree with what Jason Aldean said following the shooting:

“At the end of the day we arent Democrats or Republicans, Whites or Blacks, Men or Women. We are all humans and we are all Americans and its time to start acting like it and stand together as ONE! That is the only way we will ever get this Country to be better than it has ever been, but we have a long way to go and we have to start now. “

 I pray we come together and that we stay together. I ask Jesus to comfort those that have lost loved ones and to heal our nation. I pray that we have seen the worst and that better safer days lay ahead for all of us.  I pray that one day we truly our One Nation Under God. And that we will not live in fear anymore. 

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