The Worry of the Unknown

I lay here in bed and I can hear her stir in the crib. She whimpers for just a moment then she finds her bottle. My mind takes me to the day I picked her up from the hospital. Where has the time gone?

I could never do what you do, I would love them and not want to give them back. Why put yourself through the pain of losing them? You’ve done your part let someone else do it now. You are such a blessing/saint to do what you do. You must be nuts to take in another kid. Aren’t you afraid you will become to attached? I have heard these questions or variations of them for the last eight years. My reason I do what I do is sound asleep in her crib. Her tummy is full, her clothes fit her and they have been freshly washed. She giggles at the sound of my voice and she is already saying da da. She squeals with delight as our children play around her. She is safe and she is loved; oh so loved. This is normal for her, we are all she knows. Here she is surrounded by love from our children and love from us. The idea that it could all change with the next meeting hangs over us. But that’s foster care.

No one said it would be easy, if it were there would be more people willing to step up. I’m not heartless I feel pain. Over the years as children have come and gone from our home my heart as felt the sting of a broken system. We don’t just love the child while they are in our home, they become a piece of our hearts. And once they are gone that piece never quite heals. They will forever be part of us, part of God’s masterpiece for our lives for He allowed us to love them for a season.

Baby girl does not know what my worries are about things coming up. She does not understand that her fate will be decided by someone who has never met her, or held her, or seen her smile. Her life is in the hands of people that see her as a case number. They are not the ones who have rocked her to sleep, or kissed a boo-boo, or heard her laugh. But God knows her and He loves her.

She may never remember any of the things that led up to her coming to us. She may be here one day and gone the next. Will it hurt, YES it will, but God has a plan for her. I don’t know what her future holds but I know who holds it. And it is His Will, not ours, that we must follow.

I would not trade my time with any of our fosters for anything. I grew as a person with each placement. I can only hope they remember the love we have for them as they go on with their new lives.

As for this sweet little one we will take it day by day. The months have passed so quickly but these next few days will drag by as we wait. Foster care as taught me so many things one is a huge lesson on patients. Lord help me, guide me and protect her this week.

Until then I will hold her, I will protect her and love her as my own. I am a foster mom

Author: beautifulchaosmomma

I am a stay at home mom to 7 wonderfully crazy children. I have two biological children and my husband and I have adopted five little ones through foster care. Our children are 23, 19, 8, 7, 4, 4 and 2. I recently self published a book called Beautiful Chaos Our Story about Foster Care, Adoption, Faith, and Love. Pick up your copy today on Amazon or on my website at beautifulchaosmomma.com ❤️

14 thoughts on “The Worry of the Unknown”

  1. Thanks Mr/Mrs   for accepting and following my blog.

    I’m available to read your post at my convenient time.

    You have such an interesting topic I will love to read in
    your blog.

    I still remain  the simple blogger…..

    #PATRICKSTORIES
    Peace ✌and Love ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for the follow, I appreciate it. My blog is simple it’s just about our journey as foster and adoptive parents. I may not have many followers but writing is my “me time” and in a house full of little ones I look forward to those moments. Feel free to check out my new book over at beautifulchaosmomma.com 😊

      Like

      1. Thanks for replying me. This reply means alot to me.

        Such an awesome way of replying someone.
        Thanks. Again.

        You welcome dear friend.

        You can also check on my blog for the recent post and say your own views and contribution on it.
        I did a good post about “”” nothing like love at first sight””””

        Enjoy this lovely week.

        #PATRICKSTORIES
        Peace ✌and Love ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Your beautiful words just made my day. Thank you so much for adding such magical drop of words in my jar of motivation.I feel blessed by your writing right now.
    I found delight love in what you just said in your post.
    Again such a beautiful write up on your blog.
    Keep the vibes on.

    #PATRICKSTORIES
    Peace ✌and Love ❤

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks for replying me. This reply means alot to me.

        Such an awesome way of replying someone.
        Thanks. Again.

        You welcome dear friend.

        You can also check on my blog for the recent post and say your own views and contribution on it.
        I did a good post about “”” nothing like love at first sight””””

        Enjoy this lovely week.

        #PATRICKSTORIES
        Peace ✌and Love ❤

        Like

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