Roles Reversed

Hello everyone. Have you ever thought about the role you play in your family?When I was growing up my family consisted of my dad, my mom, my younger brother and myself. When I was little my job was to protect my little brother. Not because my parents told me I had to, but because I wanted to. I took being his boogie monster chaser, don’t eat that or I’ll tell mom, slow down or you will fall advice giver very seriously back in the day. I still try to give him advice, but he turned off his listening ears a long time ago lol. But I try, after all what are older siblings for if not to look out for younger siblings?

When I had my own children, my daughter looked after her little brother from the moment he came into the world. Heck she still tries and they are both in their twenties. As the oldest she wants what’s best for him, whether he realizes it or not. And now that she is the oldest of seven her role has become even more important to her. She is after all Big Sissy.

Older siblings automatically take on that role. It’s human nature. Well most of the time.

My husband was out of town working a few weeks a go so it was just me and the littles here at the house. When dad is not here JR is lost. His anxiety is at an all time high and his behaviors tend to increase. Those days are hard, really hard. On those days I find myself looking into his future. Our future. We have come to the realization that he will most likely be with us our whole lives. We accept that. But who will care for him once we are gone? Dark subject I know but please bare with me.

See he is older than three of our children. Typically he would be the one caring for the younger siblings if the unthinkable were to happen after he reached the legal age. The problem is…He simply can’t.

However over the last year we have noticed a reversal of roles in our household. Our five year old Al has taken on the job as JR’s big/little brother. He makes sure JR always has someone to play with if he wishes to play with another person. He lets us know if JR is getting anxious about something if we are out of the room. You can hear him throughout the day saying things like Hey JR no put that in your mouth. No running you get hurt. No no no we no climb. He wants to keep him safe. He wants to make sure he is okay at all times. He has taken his role very serious, well as serious as a five year old can. He does not realize their roles are reversed, he is just doing what he feels he needs to do.

Yes they still have their disagreements, all siblings do, but to see Al take notice of his brother the way he has is heartwarming.

No, I don’t want to think about the what if’s but as a mom I do. And yes I know for a fact my older two children would take care of all five littles if something did happen (we’ve had that talk) but it’s nice to know that JR will have many people to look after him, protect him, love him long after me.

There is nothing more precious than the love among siblings.

Be sure to check out my book Beautiful Chaos Our Story about Foster Care, Adoption, Faith, and Love over at my website http://www.beautifulchaosmomma.com or on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/Beautiful-Chaos-Story-Foster-Adoption/dp/1973619784/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1546484084&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=chaos+crystal+smith+paperback&dpPl=1&dpID=517JCC6SmQL&ref=plSrch

From our beautiful chaos to yours have a great day.

Looking Back on 2018

Happy New Year!!

Hello everyone.

Can you believe it’s 2019?! Where in the world did 2018 go? I guess the Gretchen Rubin saying is true, The days are long but the years are short. 

As we settled in for a night of movies, popcorn, pepperoni rolls, and giggles with the littles I could not help but look back at what the past year looked like for our family. What a difference one year makes.

Last January we were in Tennessee. We were fostering a beautiful little girl. She fit in perfectly with our little loves. That was actually her second time with us. Man I miss her sweet smile, the sounds she made while she slept, and the way she took in everything around her. I am happy she is now with family members that can care for her the way she needs to be. For a moment we thought she was meant to be ours, God had other plans for her and for us. So we will continue to pray for her, her parents, and those taking care of her. Baby Peaches will forever be in our hearts.

In March she went to live with her grandmother, and our lives went back to our normal. The kids were doing well in school. My husband was busy at work. All in all things seemed to going well. I became a published author in March. Beautiful Chaos Our Story about Foster Care, Adoption, Faith and Love hit Amazon (and some bookshelves) on March 14. I never thought it would happen, but it did. It finally did. Some dreams are meant to be reality. In March my mom and I were able to attend a Women of Joy conference. Powerful messages and wonderful worship filled three amazing days. While there I had the pleasure of meeting Lisa Harper in person. Her testimony is so touching. Her books are amazing. Being able to give her a copy of my book and get a copy of her book was amazing.

In April we welcomed a very tiny sick little boy into our home. It was just for a week until his grandmother could get things in order at her house so she could care for him at her home. It just happened to be the week of Easter. What a perfect week to have him with us. He was able to attend one of the most memorable Easter services I have ever been to. He was prayed for and prayed over by our pastor and his wife. And even though he was only with us a week he too will have a place in our hearts. Its not about the amount of time we spend with someone, its about what we share in that time that matters.

May brought about a trip with my oldest daughter and my momma. The previous Christmas Sierra and I surprised my mom with a tickets as one of her presents. My mom, recently retired, had always wanted to take a cruise but was never able to go. My dad does not care for the ocean so Sierra and I decided we would take her and make it a girls only trip. We had a blast. Seeing my mom so happy and excited was truly one of the highlights of my year. Maybe we can make it a yearly thing? Maybe.

My mom, daughter, and I sailing to the Bahamas

May also changed things. My father in law was not doing well. I’ve said it before and I will say it again cancer sucks. He was fighting a losing battle and time with him we knew was growing short. My husband and I started talking about moving back home but it was not as simply as “just moving home”. The thought of taking JR out of his school scared us. I knew our other little loves would adjust fine, but him, we worried about him. His needs are much different than theirs. We prayed and talked and talked some more trying to figure out what was best for all of us.

June we received a call for a little girl and welcomed her into our home. She was a bundle of joy. Always laughing and by far the best sleeper we had in a long time. Our little loves loved having her with us.

I was not feeling the best and after talking with my doctor I was scheduled for a hysterectomy in mid June. During the pretesting the doctor discovered something wrong. It appeared that I had had a mild heart attack. I was floored. I’m only 42. The doctor had more tests ran and it was later determined that it was not a heart attack just a heart issue (still not completely sure what happened or what the issue actually was.) But truly thankful whatever it was God saw fit to fix it. Thank you Jesus!

With my health scare and Todd’s dad sick we made the decision to move back home. We needed to be closer to our families. I brought the kids up and they spent most of the summer at my parents home. I would travel back and forth between to two states. We still had our foster daughter and she had visits and meetings we could not miss. When we knew for sure we would be moving (still in the middle of all my testing on my heart) we discussed her case with her caseworker, her GAL (guardian at litem) and her mom. The decision was made that she would be placed in another foster home where she could continue to thrive while her mom worked her plan to get her back. It was with a heavy heart we had to let her go. The day I dropped her off to her new foster family was hard. We did not plan for her stay with us to end like it did. Last I heard she is doing great and her mom is working hard on things to one day have her back. I pray all works out.

August arrived before we knew it and we closed on our new house, the day before school started. Talk about crazy timing. Todd was still working in TN, traveling back and forth to see us and his dad. School brought about new schools, new teachers, new everything for our kids. It was a difficult time but thankfully everyone is adjusting well now.

October we celebrated Halloween. We had the Ghostbusters along with the Marshmallow man and the cutest little Dale Jr I’ve ever seen. That would be the last time the kids and I would see my father-in-law. It is still so hard to believe he is gone. I am thankful for the memories he gave to my kids, to me. He was truly an special man.

November is a blur. That’s when our world changed forever. When Jesus called him home. He fought a hard fight. We went through the motions at Thanksgiving. I cooked. I wanted my mother in law’s Thanksgiving to go as smoothly as possible. My orders from my seven year old were to make sure she was happy. JR knows she misses him for he too misses his papaw. They were inseparable. Not a day has went by he has not asked about him or how he can get to him.

December my husband was able to finally move home. After our TN house sold and things at his work slowed down he was able to transfer back up here. Having him home has been the best gift. We are once again under one roof. We are stronger when we are all together. Christmas was a busy time, with our five little loves and our daughter and her boyfriend, and our son and his girlfriend, our house was filled with laughter and presents. Lots of presents. There were laughs and some tears, but over all we had an okay Christmas. We missed papaw’s laugh and smile, I guess that’s something we always will.

2018 brought about many changes for us. Life is about change. We must learn to live life and love the people we are surrounded by. We must forgive others and forgive ourselves. We must be patient with what’s going on and see where God leads us. In 2018 we made some new friends (stopped talking to a few). We discovered we are stronger than we realized and our faith grew. Our hearts were broken and tears we shed many times, but through it all we had each other. I am not sure what 2019 will hold for us. And that is the beauty of change. My prayer is that whatever life throws at us in the new year we learn from it, we grow from it, we are blessed by it, and we embrace it. Through it all may God keep us and guide us all the way.

From our beautiful chaos to yours, May 2019 be a very blessed and exciting year.

Check out my book over on my website at beautifulchaosmomma.com or on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Beautiful-Chaos-Story-Foster-Adoption/dp/1973619784/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1546358274&sr=8-3&keywords=beautiful+chaos+paperback