Robot Mom 2.0

In order to fully understand this post please go back and read my blog Part Mom/Part Robot sort of.

My last surgery, I was told the new batteries they were placing in my SCS’s (spinal cord stimulators) would last me between five and six years. That was last June. This past Friday I found myself back in the surgery room undergoing the knife one more time to replace the batteries. Where did my five years go?

Dealing with back pain/neck pain has become part of my normal. I do not complain about, it’s just part of who I am. Maybe it’s because I don’t complain that people do not see me as someone who suffers with a chronic pain. Just to clear things up not all illnesses or health issues can be seen. Just because someone is not in a wheelchair, or using an oxygen tank, or someone is not using crutches does not mean they are fine. Many chronic illnesses or pain issues can not be seen with the naked eye.

It is much easier to say I’m fine when someone asks how I’m feeling than to actually go into what all hurts. It’s been my experience that when most people ask “How are you doing?” they are just making small talk they don’t actually want to know how your doing. The truth is most days I am fine. The SCS’s have really made it possible for me to keep a somewhat normal life. But there are days I hurt, days I can’t move, days I wish the accident never happened. On those days I wish people could really see what’s it’s like for someone to live in constant pain. Days like today.

A few months ago my generator started saying it was time to replace my batteries. I thought there had to be a mistake so I called the doctor and scheduled an appointment. When I went in I was met by the doctor and the programming team. They laid me down and ran the scans to see what was going on.

They adjusted the programs and reset the batteries and sent me on my way. That lasted three weeks before my unit started flashing replace batteries soon. I called the office back and scheduled yet another appointment. At this appointment it was confirmed that my SCS’s were in fact dying. Both batteries were going bad, just my luck. After father investigation it was determined that my spine is covered in scar tissue (countless surgeries will do that) making it hard for the electrical current to get from the leds to my spine. This was making the batteries work over time to get push the current through in order to keep the SCS’s working. That in turn drained the batteries, which is why my five to six year battery life only made it a year and four months.

So Friday I had yet another surgery. New larger batteries were placed in my units (one on the left side of my lower stomach area and one on my right side lower back area). They worked on my one on my back first then flipped me over and replaced the one in my stomach. In a few days I should be back to my normal but today I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.

This will fix the problem short term but there is still scar tissue around my spine so another, more complicated, surgery will be needed down the road. Sooner than later. It seems to be never ending.

But even with all the downsides I am thankful. I do hate surgery but because of it I am still able to walk. The scars will fade and the pain will subside. I am thankful because with each passing year the medical community gets closer to finding a way to permanently fixing those in chronic pain. I am thankful because with my SCS’s I am no longer on pain medication. I am thankful that I am still able to be the mother and wife God planned for me to be. I am thankful because I still believe in miracles and one day I will be healed. And oh what a day that will be.

From our beautiful chaos to yours don’t be so quick to judge others. Just because you can see their illness or see what causes their pain does not mean it does not exist. The strongest people I know cry behind closed doors in pain so they don’t worry those they love.

A Salute to My Favorite Veterans 

In honor of Veterans Day I thought I would talk about a few of the finest men I know.  I am honored to have/had them all in in my life.

I have several uncles that have served our country proudly.  Two however I would like to tell you about, my uncle A and my uncle L.  Both of these men helped shape my life in more ways than one.

When I was younger I belonged to a clogging (an Appalachian form of dance) team.  I along with my brother, mother, and father all danced on this team.  So did my uncle A, aunt and cousin.  We practiced weekly and on most weekends we performed at different festivals.  I loved those days.   Our two families are close thanks to those times.  We also spent many of our “free” weekends at my grandmothers and if we were there you could almost bet my aunt, uncle and cousin were there as well.  In fact most of my childhood memories include them.  I would give anything to have him spin me around the dance floor one more time to one of our old routines.

Now my uncle L is on my dads side.  He has a love for motorcycles and for Jesus.  He is one of the sweetest men I know.  He always has a kind word to share and he makes sure to tells me just how much he loves me every time I see him. When I was younger and still lived at home he, my aunt and their two kids lived less than a mile from me.  Family is everything to him.  And I will never be to old for one of his bear hugs.

I am blessed to have had both of my grandfathers serve our county as well.  Both Papaw W and Papaw L served during World War II.  Papaw W was in the Navy and Papaw L was in the Army.  My Papaw W always had a story to tell and made sure we knew who the greatest hunter/or fisherman was. Later in life he would quiz me on Bible verses or share a passage that he thought was interesting.  My Papaw L was my rock when I was a little girl.  I spent most of my early childhood days at his and mamaw’s house.  Having them as our neighbors made it easy to see them daily.  We would pass the days by working in the garden or playing games of Canasta.  I would ride in the back of his old black Ford pickup truck to the store were he would buy me a soda and candy bar for under a dollar.  Those were the days.  I would love to be able to hear just one more hunting story from Papaw W or to be able to play one more game of Canasta with Papaw L.  I know they both watch over me in all that I do.

I even married into a family that has served our country with pride.  My father-in-law was in the Air Force and my husband was in the Army.  My father-in-law fought in the Vietnam War.  He is the best when it comes to being an all around great guy.  From the first day I met him he welcomed me into his family.  He showed me how to eat chicken wings and helped introduce me to NASCAR. He is the first person people go to when something needs done.  He works with his church making sure all the local kids have food to eat through the back pack program and he is always the first one to offer to help if something comes up.  He would give the shirt of his back if he thought someone needed it. He is also a pretty awesome papaw to our little ones, just ask any of them.  When he says “I love ya girl.” I know he means it.

My husband, my hero, my rock, and my partner.  He fought for our country in Operation Iraqi Freedom.  He always has my back no matter how crazy things get.  He works hard to provide a good life for the kids and me.  He opened his heart up to foster care when many others would have said no.  He makes me happier than I have ever been. He is my shoulder to cry on, my go to guy when I need good laugh, and my stealer of the sheets at night.  My favorite place in the world is in his arms.

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I also have many cousins and friends that have served the Red, White, and Blue proudly.  To all of them I say THANK YOU!!!

The point of this blog is to show that our Veterans are not nameless people or people without faces.  Our veterans are everyday people.  They are someones grandfather, father, uncle, cousin, husband, son, daughter, aunt, mother, or grandmother.  They are real people with real families yet they choose to serve to give us the freedoms we have.  They sacrifice so much to give us opportunities many Americans today take for granted.  Freedom is not free.  It comes with a cost few are willing to pay.

So today, as well as every day, if you see a veteran thank them for their service.  I am honored to be part of a family that has served our country over the years.  To all those that have served or are currently serving I salute you.  Thank you for being you.  And God bless you.

 

Trick or Treating with Autism 


Autism can make the simplest things…less simple. And trick or treating is no exception.  Last year we were still new to the area so we let the kids dress up and run around the backyard. They took turns ringing our own doorbell as I gave them candy. It was simple it was safe and most importantly Wild Man was able to just be himself.  This year however, the kids wanted to venture out and gather candy like we had back in my hometown before we moved.  I knew this would be a challenge even with help from my husband.

The last few days leading up to tonight’s outing we went over The trick or treating rules.  Basic things like: staying with mom and dad, no running off, saying please and thank you, and being respectful to all those around us.  Down here they do not trick or treat like back home.  There hundreds of candy hungry kids flood the subdivisions in search of the perfect sweets.  Here it’s not about going house to house but more of the local churches doing what is called trunk or treat. We decided to go to a church close to our home so the kids could make their big candy score.  

The trunk or treat was suppose to be from 6 to 8.  The church had hot dogs and other food for people to eat and they had games set up where kids could play and earn candy.  Which for most kids would be fine and I’m sure everyone that attended had a fantastic time…everyone except our Wild Man.   We arrived right around 6 (it was still daylight so Wild Man was okay with being outside) We signed the kids in and were told we could get something to eat.  If you have ever been trick or treat with young ones then you know the last thing on their little minds was eating actual food they want candy and nothing but candy.  We passed the food station and walked through the game stations over to where the trunk or treat was suppose to take place. The problem….they were not ready for the kids.  We were told we could play some games while they set up.  Wild man was getting anxious but we tried to play a few games.  He didn’t understand why he could not just get the candy from the bowls. Why me play game momma? Why????? We tried for about 20 minutes before he got extremely upset.  We walked back over to where the trunk or treat was to take place. It was still not ready.  I looked at my husband while trying to keep ahold of Wild mans hand and made the call to head back home.  Our other little loves were not thrilled we were leaving. Having a sibling on the spectrum is difficult on them sometimes.  They know he has limits but their kids and sometimes they just want to be able to do what other kids do.  As we walked back home we saw a few of our neighbors lights on. I look at my husband and he knew what I was thinking and he shrugged sure why not?  

In our large subdivision we walked along with our five little loves.  Out of all the houses in our subdivision we found four that were passing out candy. Four.  But four was enough.  At the first house Wild Man asked the lady’s name and then told her he was moving in with her. She was sweet and laughed it off.  At the second house they passed out suckers and Whopper candy. Wild man loves both so he was okay there. Third house he tried to take more than a few pieces and when the gentleman said Oh only a few big guy, he started screaming and tried to step on the mans foot. By the fourth house he was done and when they opened the door he ran in. (When he’s done he’s done. He saw their TV on and wanted to watch) The gentleman at the door caught him and was very kind about the situation.  As we went walked down the neighbors front porch steps I said it was time to go home.  That’s when Elmo and Diva started fussing. It’s not fair.  We hardly have any candy.  Why do we always have to stop when he gets upset? As we walked up our driveway they both stomped as loud as their little feet possibly could.  

I am use to things not working out as we plan.  So as they fussed I went to the kitchen and pulled out Plan B aka backup candy.  I had the kids open up their bags and I filled them with their favorite sweets. Smiles finally covered their faces as they settled in with their candy to watch a Halloween special before bed. They were happy and Wild Man was safe and comfort in his own home so he was happy. I hate to say it but as an autism mom I always have a backup plan. You have to have a backup plan.

It’s not fair, I get it. It’s hard on them, him and us. All I want is a normal life for all my kiddos. Some days we get through without any major upsets other days it’s meldown after meltdown.  All we can do is take it day by day (and always have backup candy just in case we need it) Our normal is different from most. And I’m okay with that. 

Even though we did not get to go to many houses or play all the church games we did get out as a family. We did manage to get out of the house for a little while and he did have fun. And he was able to wear his mask for awhile. (Huge win) We could set and dwell over all the things that went wrong or we can celebrate the small victories.  We will celebrate and eat candy I bought. 

My Twins…My Boys

My boys. My cute little oh so rotten boys. My four year old boys. My world.

Baby Elmo
Baby Big Al

When I was growing up I dreamt of having twins.  When I did have children I had one daughter and then three years later one son.  Twins did not happen for me naturally.   Instead God gave me “twins” in a different way.

Big Al came to us when he was two days old.  Elmo made his grand appearance when he was three weeks old.  The two of them bonded like nothing I’ve ever seen.  They were raised as brothers and seeing that they are only eight days apart they were raised as twins.  They sat up days apart, they crawled hours apart, they even walked days apart.  They formed a special language that only they understood. In every aspect of the word they were twins. When they were babies people would stop us and ask if they were twins even though they look nothing alike.  Nowadays they have each other’s backs in everything they do.  It’s truly a special bond they have.


Over the weekend all of our boys received hair cuts.  Elmo and Wild Man always do a buzz cut while Big Al goes with just a trim to keep his curls.  This weekend however that all changed.  After Elmo was finished Big Al insisted he wanted his hair cut just like his brothers.  I love his curls and when he begged me the last time I told him no.  He has beautiful hair.  I could not bring myself to just cut it all off.  He received his usual trim and was fine with the end result.  This past weekend he begged again.  And again I said no.  Then he said he just wanted to look like his brothers. He crossed his little hands and looked up at me with those big brown eyes and said Please momma I look like Elmo please?  I looked and my husband and sighed.  It’s only hair right?   He was so excited as the clippers cut away at his long locks.  When he was finished he raced to the bathroom mirror to see what he looked like.  In his sweet little voice he said I look like Elmo, we can play tricks now.   

Before the hair cut
After the hair cut

They were so excited to trick their teacher this morning. As I pulled up to drop them off I rolled my window down to give their teacher the heads up about the boys plan.  When she opened the door she pretended not to know who was who. The boys just laughed and giggled.  Elmo finally said it’s me see I got’s glasses on.   They walked into class feeling confident in their clever plan.


Pure innocence of a child.  They do not see their differences. They do not see their eyes are not the same, nor their skin color, nor their hair color or that one wears glasses while the other one does not.  When they look at each other all they see it their brother not their differences.  Nothing but Love.   

We all could learn a thing or two from them.  Love is greater than blood. 

Adoption is beautiful. It brings together boys meant to be brothers.   

The X Factor: School Life for Our Autistic Son 


I attended my first IEP meeting for this school year for wild man a few weeks ago.  As a mom I want the best for my kids. I want them to have a great education and be able to succeed. As a mom of an autistic child I want these things and so much more.

 The meeting went well. His new teacher, OT, speech director, principal and his teacher from last year all love him.  Which makes me feel like we made the right decision on the School.  We went over his daily schedule and how we could make it better for him.  This year he will have his major subjects in a regular classroom while his afternoons will be spent in the classroom equipment for special needs (this is the classroom which make us choose the school in the first place). Change is hard for him but I want what’s best for him.  

The meeting was filled with comments like “he is doing so great” “he is working so hard” and “he has come a long way”. All of which made me smile because he is doing great and working hard. And he has come a long way, a very long way.  It’s in these moments that I get lost and almost forgot he is autistic.  Everyone bragging on him and telling funny stories about things he has done.  I love seeing other people’s faces when they talk about him.  They just light up he has that effect on people once they take time to get to know him. 

But then there comes the reality.  Take this work page for example.  He scored a 3 out of 10.  I know placing him in the regular classroom is supposed to help him build social skills and help him become more independent.  But he is so lost when it comes to the actual school work.  I don’t want him to be overlooked or just passed through because of his disabilities. I want him to have a chance to learn and to grow just like any mother would.  I know many of you are thinking “it’s just one paper or he is just in 1st grade” but that’s my point. This is just the beginning. What happens now and how he is treated will affect the way things go from here on out. He does not bring many graded papers home but when he does most notes are “he tried hard” At what point will he become completely lost and what nothing to do with School? Will he always be this happy go lucky boy or will the struggles become to much for him the bear?  I worry because it’s my job to make sure he receives the best possible education he can receive. I worry that the other kids will start calling him names or talking about him because he does not get the answers right.  I worry constantly about how his peers receive him.  

But then my son does the most wonderful thing.  As I look at all the X’s on his papers and the comments my son, my beautiful intelligent son points at the papers and says “look momma I got this one right” and smiles great big.  Even in a world full of negativity and large red and green X’s my son only sees the good, he only sees the beauty. As his mom I worry about him in this crazy world we live in.  People are so cruel to each other and I am scared that the things that make him unique in Gods eyes will get him teased or even hurt in this world.  But God has given my son a unique way of looking at things. He only sees the good in people and in things.  He does not notice those that stare at him or say hurtful things about him. I am truly thankful for that.  As his mom I need to try and see the world the way he sees it.  I need to find the good.

So yes we celebrate the three right answers, because a year or two ago none of this would have even been possible. We celebrate that he can now write his name and that his teacher said he is now sitting at his desk up to three minutes at a time. (This is huge for him) We celebrate that he has even sat at the dinner table with us a few times this month and we were able to have dinner as a family(and this is huge for him). We celebrate the red and green X’s because they show us progress. He is moving forward in all areas of his life.  We celebrate because God has made this prefect little guy ours and we are the ones that get to watch him grow and succeed at life.   

We celebrate because we are blessed.  

Thank you wild man for opening my eyes to more than just the negative.  Thank you for helping me see there is beauty in everything, even in X’s. 

What Happened to Peace on Earth?

Like many of you, my heart hurts for those that lost loved ones or were injured in the horrific event that happened in Vegas.  I would love to say I’m shocked that someone could do something so cold to anyone let alone complete strangers but the sad truth is shootings like this are becoming part of our normal.  That my friends is scary. 

When I was growing up I never felt unsafe. I would walk to the little general store up the road from my house just to buy a candy bar and a soda.  My parents didn’t have to worry, they knew I would be fine and would return safe. I never worried about going to the mall, movie theater, a concert, or church. Those type of places where safe places where people could enjoy the company of others and share a few laughs or sing a few hallelujah’s and know everything would be fine. Now….now I won’t lie I do worry.  I worry for my husband, I worry for my kids, I worry for my future grandchildren, I worry for America. We are still the land of the free but I am afraid many of us (myself included) are not so brave right now. We are scared. Really really scared. 

I remember in the days following 9/11 how united we were and how we stood together. In the middle of complete terror unity and love grow.  It makes me sad….no not sad angry and hurt that in just over sixteen years we have forgotten those days. Until tragedy like Vegas, Pulse, or the countless school shootings happen. Why must such horrible things happen for us to unite as a nation?

I blame the news stations and social media sites.  Since 9/11 it seems all we see or all we hear about is the bad.  The mass shootings the attacks and the suicide bombers make up most of the evening news. In order to keep their ratings up they shove these gruesome images in our faces over and over.  This morning on one local channel there was an hour and 45 minutes played of personal videos taken from the shooting in Vegas.  The sound of the gun shots echoed and the screams of the people were deafening.  It was to painful to watch yet I did until my daughter came in. The line of people standing to give blood to help those victims received not even 2 minutes. (The death of Tom Petty had a 10 minute segment)

My seven year old walked in the living room while our tv was on the station and asked What happened this time momma?  It’s become such a normal part of our society that the large loss of life did not scare her. She knew something bad happened but something bad “always” happens.  How scary it that?? Or am I the only one that thinks this way?  Do you not remember how scared we were on 9/11?? These shootings and other attacks are the same thing. And they are happening more and more often. Has our society grown accustom to the violence so much so that we are okay with it?  Seriously we need to wake the hell up people. 


On Sunday here, a man was pulled over for speeding. He was going 55 in a 30.  It should have been an easy stop.  However inside his car the police found 900 plus rounds of ammo, multiple firearms (all loaded), and other weapons.  I don’t want to think what he would have done if the cops had not pulled him over.  That was less than twenty miles from my home.  What has happened to us as a nation?

We are so easily offended by everything nowadays. I was having lunch with my oldest son last week when we overheard two women talking about how they were glad they were that their boys refused to stand for the National Anthem, because they never liked that song anyways.  Seriously?!?! I about lost it in the middle of Taco Bell.  

I agree with what Jason Aldean said following the shooting:

“At the end of the day we arent Democrats or Republicans, Whites or Blacks, Men or Women. We are all humans and we are all Americans and its time to start acting like it and stand together as ONE! That is the only way we will ever get this Country to be better than it has ever been, but we have a long way to go and we have to start now. “

 I pray we come together and that we stay together. I ask Jesus to comfort those that have lost loved ones and to heal our nation. I pray that we have seen the worst and that better safer days lay ahead for all of us.  I pray that one day we truly our One Nation Under God. And that we will not live in fear anymore. 

The Next Chapter in our Foster Care Journey 

How to start this blog, let me think let me think…….

  Well as most of you know my husband and I were foster parents for six years back home before his job transferred us out of state. Most of you also know that in those six years we were able to provide a safe loving home for over 20 children, five of which we were blessed to adopt.  When we moved we knew our foster parent days were over and we were okay with that. The journey had been eye opening, heartbreaking, joyful and at times overwhelming. Yes there were many ups and downs but helping the kids far surpassed the aggravation that is the system.  We would miss our friendships we made along the way but our fostering days were done. 

Jump forward to this year…

The thing about being a foster parent is once a foster parent your mind always thinks like a foster parent, you can’t just shake it off.  No matter where you are there are children hurting and in need of a safe place to call home. We would see stories on the local news such as drug charges or overdoses and even though the children are seldom mentioned we knew they were there.  As a foster parent you watch the news a little different that most people.  Our hearts would break. But how could we help down here? We knew we didn’t have time to take the training classes again and  we knew most people would say we were nuts.

A few months back I actually had a dear friend tell me “You’ve done your part let someone else worry about them.  There are others out there that can help. After all you know you can’t save them all.”  Not going to lie hearing these words hurt.  My husband and I know we are not superheroes, we know we can’t save them all but if we could help just one or two while here we wanted to. And as far as the others helping out those people are few and far between.  In our new state there are around 4,000 foster homes.  That sounds like a lot but when the state population is around 6 million (yes 6 million) 4,000 does not seem like such a large number. We wrestled with the idea of what to do.  Many friends and family members didn’t want us to adopt anymore after we adopted Diva and Wild Man. But we did.  Many questioned us to what are real motives were by saying things like we were baby hoggers or that we must be making loads of money seeing we keep taking in kid after kid.  I can assure you while we were foster parents we spent far more out of our pockets each month than what the state paid, it’s not about the money.  People can be so cruel.  But I keep telling myself we don’t answer to these people. We answer God. 

Diva and I were having lunch a while back and she said “Mommy I talked to God last night and He told me all about our new baby sister.  She is so tiny mommy. Oh and we are naming her Eden Grace. She will be ours in 2018.”  As I finished chewing up my peanut butter sandwich I looked for words to explain to her that this was not possible. That we didn’t plan on adopting anymore children.  But I found none.  How could I tell her she hadn’t really talked to God about a new baby when I had personally had a similar dream about our son Big Al.  We finished lunch and we went on about our day.  When my husband came home I told him about our daughters dream.  We had a good laugh but then he said we do have room for one more girl. He is such an amazing man. 

I called around to a couple of foster agencies and inquired on how to become a foster parent here.  I won’t bore you with all of that (if you want to read about the process it’s all in my upcoming book 😊) let’s just say when God is not finished with you things get done, even the impossible.  We kept the process quite from all most everyone, we didn’t need negativity about our decision.  Only a few people knew about it seeing we needed them to complete our forms.  This time around we would not be able to take in large groups of siblings. We already have our five little loves and our state only allows six children in the home.  This go around we would only be able to help one. One girl. One girl between the ages of newborn to 10.  That is like finding a needle in a haystack.  The odds where not in our favor to be able to help, however our sweet caseworker told us we were still good candidates and encouraged us the whole process.   

Then a few months ago we were finally approved.  We had discussed what we were comfortable with and decided that a girl between 4 and 10 is what would best fit our family. We would take a baby if necessary but in foster care babies always find a home so our focus was the older girls.   

I can’t help but think God was laughing at us once again and saying something like Child stick with what you know.  

After a few placement calls and turning them down(most were sibling groups) I sat in the middle of my kitchen floor and prayed. I felt like maybe we weren’t meant to help out down here, saying no is so hard when you know these precious children need someone.  Maybe it was time for us to stop. I prayed God if we are meant to help here show me how show me where. After that little chat with Jesus I picked myself up off the floor, feeling that if we didn’t get a placement it was okay.  We would find another way to help out somewhere else.
Almost a month after that chat my phone rang.  

Sometimes We must wait before God calls on us.  And when He calls we must be ready.  

So to put it out there, yes we are now active foster parents.  Now that our parents have met the little one we can tell everyone else. Having six little loves in our home is such a blessing.  We love what we do.  I know many will never understand why we do what we do, and that’s okay. I know many will think we are crazy, and that’s okay.  I know some will even be mad and upset at us, and even that’s okay.  

As for me and my husband we can’t set back and watch the news and the events that happen around us and not do something.  We have the room, we have a vehicle large enough, but most importantly we have enough love in our hearts. We are not superheroes, we don’t think we can save them all, the truth is we know we can’t. But we can help one more, one at a time.  And that’s what we plan on doing. 
From our beautiful chaos to yours let’s see where the next chapter takes us.  


Two years already? 

Two years ago I did not know of you but now I can’t imagine my life without you. Two years ago tomorrow I would receive a phone call in the middle of the afternoon telling me you had made your way into this world.  Two years ago I was trying to convince myself there was no way we could take in a new foster placement with our move to Tennessee coming up. But as soon as the sweet worker on the other end of the phone told me you were Elmo’s sister I knew you were part of Gods plan for us. I told the worker I would call her back in a few minutes (I needed to explain things to your daddy) He was shaking his head no the whole time I was talking to the worker but just like me when he heard you were Elmo’s sister he knew you were meant to be ours.

The day you were born 9/17/15
I may not have carried you for nine months in my belly, I may not have felt you kick or had morning sickness but as soon as I heard about you….you were mine.  I fell in love the moment I held you. When the nurses asked, Are you ready to meet your daughter? I felt tears running down my face. I may not have been there those nine months but I can promise you I will be here for you the rest of the days of my life.  You hold a piece of my heart. 

Mommy and her baby girl
A quick nap before the game

People tell us all the time “she (and your siblings) is so lucky to have you” or  ” you have changed her life” or “your such a blessing to those babies”.  The truth is they have it all wrong.  I’m not a super mom. I don’t have it all together.  I’m the lucky one. I look at you and still can’t believe God placed you in my life. You are such a sweet, funny, sassy, and smart little girl. I am thrilled I get to be your mom.  I have not changed your life, you changed mine.  You make my days brighter with your smile and your big bear hugs. Your sweet “loves you’s mommy” melt my heart.  I fail you daily but you and your siblings are my greatest blessings.  Been mom to seven if by far the greatest blessing God could have given to me. I am the one blessed by having you. 


So today I look back and thank God for bringing you into my life. I thank the worker who went above and beyond to locate us so you could be placed with your brother. I thank the nursing staff that cared for you before I could get to you. And I thank your birth mom, she could have chosen not to have you knowing she would not be able to keep you but she chose life for you.  I am so grateful for her choice. 

Last picture as a one year old
Your first birthday

Tomorrow you turn two. I look forward to seen where God takes you. I look forward to watching you grow and learn new things. I look forward to loving you more and more each day.   Happy birthday baby girl!!!!! You are so loved. May tomorrow bring you happiness and be full of birthday blessings.  

Grandparents 

It was Sunday afternoon and I found myself reminiscing of a simpler time.  I find myself thinking back to a time where I had no bills to pay, no worries or no fears.  Back to a time where my weekends were spent with my cousins on my grandparents farm chasing chickens or swimming in the creek (when my parents allowed us) or pretending to be the cast off of the Dukes of Hazzard.   Those were the days

I was blessed in many ways growing up.  One of the greatest blessings by far was having both sets of my grandparents while growing up.  I was also fortunate to have a set of great-grandparents that I had the pleasure of getting to know and love.  Not many people can say that.   This post it in honor of all of my grandparents.  

I will start with my dad’s parents.  My papaw L and Mamaw S.  I can’t think of any week in my childhood that these two were not involved somehow.  They lived up the holler (up the road for you city folk) from us.  My brother and I spend the days with them while my parents worked and after we started school my papaw would pick us up after school until my parents got home.  We spent our days playing games of Canasta, that’s actually how I figured out how to count, or working in the garden, running wild in the open fields and eating gooseberries and rhubarb off the creek bank.  Back then we could ride in the back of papaw’s old black Ford to the store(no seatbelt required) where he would give us a dollar to spend on whatever we liked. Usually I got a can of Dr Pepper and a candy bar and still had a few cents left over.  When we would return we would help him carry the groceries up the steps and into the kitchen were my mamaw patiently waited.  She always made sure to have something on the table for dinner when my parents arrived to pick us up, a few of my favorites: her steak and gravy and her homemade chili.

My papaw L and his old Ford
My baby girls 1st Year pictures. With my mamaw S in the heart

 She gave me a love/hate relationship with scary movies.  She absolutely loved to watch them but hated to watch them alone so I would stay up with her and not sleep for nights after words fearing Freddy really was going to get me.   I find it funny that my children love scary stuff and I can’t bring myself to watch anything scarier than what plays on Disney Junior at Halloween time.  If they only knew what I went through lol.  My papaw was one of a kind.  Strong and brave.  He gave me a love for the outdoors and helped me shot my first gun. I lost them both before I was sixteen.  But our bond will last my lifetime.

Both of my grandfathers served our country in WWII. Papaw L was and Army man while my Papaw W was a Navy man.  To see the way these high paid athletes are disrespecting our flag, our national anthem and country makes me sick. I know both of them would be shaking their heads. They were proud to be Americans and proud to have served their country.  Their love for our freedom has flowed throughout the generations that followed them.  

My papaw W and mamaw B lived about an hour away from us.  We spend our weekends there with our countless cousins on my moms side.  On Saturday nights the men played cards while the lady’s chatted in the living room or watched us kids run around outside. And on Sunday morning mamaw B made sure we all made it to church. My papaw W and mamaw B gave me a love for the Bible early on in life.  Some of my favorite times with papaw were our Bible talkes after I was a young adult.  I remember going camping and fishing on the river.  And with the arrival of spring it meant it was time to dig ramps (kind of like a wild onion) for the annual ramp dinner. My family was not rich but I never weren’t, we were blessed with something much more valuable than money.After my dad’s parents passed away and my moms parents moved to town we spent more time at their house. My mamaw B’s mom, Great Grandma W, moved in with them.  Most of my memories of her come from this time.  Great Grandma W was a firecracker.  She could preach the Word of God and tell the funniest jokes. She and mamaw quilted many blankets and made many Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls for us as we grow up.  Their house was had food one the table, you never knew who would stop by to share a meal. 

Papaw W giving my husband some parenting advice

My oldest daughter and son have the privilege of getting to spend time with them often.  My son when he was old enough got to go on the annual hunting trip with my dad, my papaw W, and my uncle. These three men helped shape him into the young man he is today. Those hunting trips are something he will treasure forever. My daughter was my papaw’s football buddy.  Not many families have five generation photos but we were blessed to be able several of them.  My beautiful Great Grandma went to be with Jesus when she was 102.   Just a few years ago I lost my papaw W.  He was at the hunting camp with my dad, son and uncle.  He passed away doing what he loved to do.  My heart still aches. 
Our first 5 generation picture, the day I brought my oldest daughter home from the hospital. Our first stop Mamaw B’s house
My mom, Great Grandma, mamaw, me, Sis and bub. Look how tiny their are ❤️
Mamaw B, me and all of my kiddos ❤️.

A few weeks ago I was able to make a trip make home, while there I made sure to stop by and see me beautiful mamaw B.  That trip she remembered me and we shared some good laughs at my brothers experience, sorry bub. 

Mamaw telling me a story about my brother.

She’s all I have left and I hate being hours away.  I hate that life happens and I can’t just pick up and go let I did when I was younger.  I hate being an adult. How I wish I could turn back time to when I was 14 or 15 and still have them all with me. I am very Thankful to still have her. 

I hope I have made them proud. I hope as they look down from heaven they say, “See that girl right there well that’s my granddaughter.”  I hope I have turned out half a well as they had hoped.  There’s not a day that goes by I don’t smell something or see something that reminds me of at least one of them.  Both of my adopted daughters are named in someway to honor my mamaw S and mamaw B.  My oldest was named in honor of my great grandma W.  I hope that they carry the names given to them with their heads held high knowing just how special they are. I pray they too become strong independent women as those they are named after.  I pray that all my children know just how blessed our family is.  For even though my little loves are too young to remember on their own they will know who their Great grandparents and Great Great Grandma was through the stories I share.  Oh how I miss you all so….

And mamaw B I will be back to see you soon, until then your Baby girl loves you keep those nurses on their toes ❤️
From our beautiful chaos to yours be sure to tell those you love just how much they mean to you.  Cherish the moments for a lifetime. 

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