My kids are playing on the swing set and having a water balloon fight and all I can do is smile. Well that’s a lie. I also find myself thinking about the little ones that are not here. I have wondered many times why so many foster children have came into our home only to be forever placed somewhere else. With every departure a piece of my heart goes with them and I question why did he/she not get to stay? Our first placement was no exception.
Our first little boy as only with us for three short weeks, but I was in love the moment I saw him. When the on call worker called and asked of we could take the placement I quickly said yes. We were told it would take months before we got our first call. But here it was two weeks after we finished our classes, we had not even received our certificates in the mail to offically say we were approved. The worker said it would take a few hours to get things ready so that gave me time to go pick up a baby bed and a few must haves (diapers, bottles, a few outfits, and some baby wipes) The workers came to our home and in somewhat like a business transaction he was placed in my arms with a list of things that needed to be done within the next 72 hours, I was asked if I could handle it and then they were gone. I called my husband and told him, “its a boy” and took our new addition with me to pick up our kids from school. Needless to say everyone was excited. The next few days were full of doctor appointments and holiday celebrations. Life was good. As many do with their first placement we were already picking out his new name and thinking of ways to decorate his forever bedroom. Then one day mid December my phone rings. The worker called to tell me that there had been a court hearing and that “our boy” Would be going to live with his siblings in another foster family. I was crushed. She ended our conversation with “I am sorry but I will be there in an hour” And hour? That’s all the time I had to get him ready, to say goodbye, and to calm myself down before she came in. I carried him to the car, kissed his forehead, said a little prayer and just like that he was gone. Just as fast as he had come into our lives he was gone. My husband and kids did not even get to say goodbye. I cried the whole evening, I questioned God’s plan, I said I would never do this again, and then I prayed. Why would God bring this beautiful baby boy into my life and then take him away? I still don’t know the answer but I am thankful for the time we shared.
A few days passed and I called my homefinder to let her know we could be placed back on the Call List. After all we had not spent months in training to give up that early and we knew the need was still there.
I still wonder about our 1st little guy. I am sure he is enjoying life with his brothers and his new family. I am hopeful he is loving life just as God planned. I am also sure he will never remember his few short weeks with us and the love he had for him, but that’s OK because I will always remember. We have a his picture, along with all of our foster babies, hanging on a wall in our piano room. Every time I pass those photos I can’t help but smile. Even though most of them no longer live with us they will always be our kids. Each one holds a place in my heart. As I watch my five little ones, now playing in their playhouse, I am thankful God saw fit to let me be their forever mom. I may never understand why He chose to let these five stay but I am thankful everyday He did. God is good all the time.
The thing about foster care is you never know how long each child will stay. It could be a week, a month, a year, or two years, or forever we just don’t know. But while they are with us It is our job to love them, protect them, hold them, kiss them, and let them know what a family is like. It’s that simple. While they are here they will be MY CHILDREN to the fullest meaning of the phrase. And if they leave our home I will forever be their Momma C. Placement after placement the heart only grows stronger.
From our beautiful chaos to yours enjoy your day.